November 16th 2024.
It's no secret that grief can cause people to act in unpredictable ways. We've all heard the saying, "hurt people hurt people." This week's Sex Column reader, who lost her husband last year, found herself seeking comfort in the arms of her friend's husband due to her overwhelming loneliness. While she is plagued with guilt, she has also developed feelings for this man over the past few months, leaving her in a state of confusion about what to do next. But before we dive into her story, don't forget to catch up on last week's column, where a new mother struggles to enjoy sex after years of trying to conceive with her husband.
Now, onto the problem at hand. The reader confesses that she is currently having an affair with a married man, who also happens to be her friend's husband. She knows it sounds terrible, but she pleads for readers to hear her out before they pass judgment. Sixteen months ago, her husband passed away unexpectedly at the young age of 43. In the midst of her deep grief, she felt like her life was over. They never had children, as they both wanted to focus on their careers and enjoy nice vacations, leaving her feeling incredibly alone.
After the initial support from friends and family faded away, one couple continued to check in on her, inviting her over for dinner and always being there to lend an ear. She credits them with helping her get through the toughest of times. The husband would often drive her to and from their house, and over time, they developed a strong connection. After three months, they began a passionate affair, fueled by their intense chemistry. Despite the quick nature of their encounters, the reader found solace in the frantic and urgent nature of their intimacy.
She knows her behavior is unacceptable, especially considering how kind and supportive his wife has been to her. Her excuse for betraying her friend is that she has been feeling incredibly lonely and miserable since her husband's passing, and this affair makes her feel special and loved once again. However, she also admits to having deep feelings for this man and is constantly tormented by guilt, especially when his wife checks in on her and treats her like a sister. She genuinely cares for her friend and doesn't want to see their marriage end, despite her actions.
The advice given to her is a tough pill to swallow. While it's completely understandable to act out of character when dealing with grief, she can't use this as an excuse to hurt someone who has been a pillar of support for her. Having an affair is challenging enough, but being friends with the person's partner makes it nearly impossible. She is already feeling guilty and deceitful, and she knows she can't continue this relationship while maintaining a friendship with his wife. Eventually, she will get caught, and it won't end well for anyone involved.
If she can't find the strength to end the affair and remain friends, she may need to come up with an excuse to distance herself from both of them. Love and sex are vital, but she needs to widen her social circle to give herself a chance at finding a partner who is available. As a starting point, she can reach out to the bereavement charity Cruse, which offers support and guidance during times of loss. Laura, a counselor and columnist, emphasizes the importance of seeking help and finding healthier ways to cope with grief and loneliness.
Do you have a sex or dating dilemma? Laura is here to offer expert advice. Simply send your problem to her email, and she will provide guidance to help you navigate your situation.
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