I’ve been enjoying Brad Stulberg’s newsletter over the past months. His latest edition linked to an article he’d written recently. I loved it and thought I’d share it in full.
We are drawn to stories of individuals who not only embody the pursuit of excellence, but also have humility.
Think of the American gymnast Simone Biles, who worked through mental health issues that kept her mostly sidelined at the 2021 Tokyo Olympics and went on to win three gold medals at the Paris Games. Perhaps the most iconic image from these Games occurred after one of the few gymnastics events she didn’t completely dominate, the individual floor competition. At the awards ceremony, Biles, who earned silver, and her teammate Jordan Chiles, who took bronze, bowed to show respect to the gold medal winner, Rebeca Andrade of Brazil.
Or perhaps your attention during the Games was captured by the pole-vaulter Mondo Duplantis, representing Sweden, who broke his own world record while being cheered on by his fellow medalists, Emmanouil Karalis of Greece (who administered tape to a cut on Duplantis’s hand during the competition) and the American Sam Kendricks, who helped quiet the crowd before each of Duplantis’s world record attempts. In the stands, supporting and helping to coach him, was Renaud Lavillenie, the Frenchman whose world record Duplantis first broke in 2020.
Then there was the American sprinter Noah Lyles, who earned the title of world’s fastest man by winning gold in the 100-meter dash. Shortly after, he wrote in a social media message to fans: “I have asthma, allergies, dyslexia, A.D.D., anxiety, and depression. But I will tell you that what you have does not define what you can become. Why not you!”
Excellence is not perfection or winning at all costs. It is a deeply satisfying process of becoming the best performer — and person — you can be. You pursue goals that challenge you, put forth an honest effort, endure highs, lows and everything in between, and gain respect for yourself and others. This sort of excellence isn’t just for world-class athletes; it is for all of us. We can certainly find it in sports, but also in the creative arts, medicine, teaching, coaching, science and more.
Understanding that excellence lies in the pursuit of a lofty goal as much as in the achievement of that goal allows us to expand our definition of success. Excellence is a process. That process can, and must, be renewed every day. The real reward for excellence is not the medal or the promotion, but the person you become and the relationships you forge along the way. In 2007, the psychologist Tal Ben-Shahar coined the term “arrival fallacy” to describe the trap of thinking that reaching a goal will bring lasting contentment or fulfillment. Anyone who has ever thought, “If I achieve such-and-such goal, then I’ll be happy,” understands this.
In some instances, excellence also calls for competing, a word derived from the Latin “com,” which means “together,” and “petere,” which means “to strive.” The best competitors strive together. It’s why following their 800-meter freestyle race, the first thing the American swimmer Katie Ledecky and the Australian Ariarne Titmus did was reach across their lanes to embrace. It’s why Simone Biles said of competing alongside Rebeca Andrade, “It brought out the best athlete in myself, so I’m excited and proud to compete with her.”
Excellence means striving well, and finding fulfillment in the process. When you find a pursuit or activity you care about and give it your all, you learn to value focus, consistency, care, discipline and compassion. You learn about the importance of hard work and rest, yes, but also how to graciously accept loss, and learn from it.
Pursuing excellence is, at its core, retaining respect, compassion and empathy for others even in pursuit of being your best, and, sometimes, winning. Yes, you must be driven and fierce and at times try so hard that people may think you are crazy. But it’s precisely because of this determined commitment — and the recognition of how hard it can be — that you gain immense empathy and respect for others in the arena.
Over the past decade, I have reviewed hundreds of studies and interviewed dozens of elite performers, including athletes, scientists, artists, physicians, educators and businesspeople, and I have found the top indicators of people’s lasting success and satisfaction came down to how they answered these five questions: Did they give their pursuit their all? Did they live in alignment with their values? Were they patient and present? Did they embrace their own vulnerability? And did they build meaningful and mutually respectful relationships along the way? To my surprise, no idea has resonated more with Olympic medalists than groundedness — that you can be a good person and reach great heights.
The Olympics may be an example of excellence and achievement at a pinnacle few of us can imagine, but they do offer us a moment to reflect on our own versions of excellence. How should I spend the time I have? How do I summon the focus to pursue my interests with care? What does this say about the values I hold and my desire to practice them? At a time of disconnect and alienation, the pursuit of excellence offers a powerful and necessary path to intimacy with ourselves, our work and our communities. It is, at root, what it means to be the best humans we can be.
Powerful and beautifully written – thanks Brad.
