October 6th 2024.
Emma Halliday was sitting across from a friend, who at 45 years old, was on a waiting list for counseling to cope with the grief of not being able to have a child. The reason? She hadn't found her perfect partner. Emma, who works for the NHS, realized that there must be many women in the same situation. Having recently come out of a long-term relationship at the age of 27 and still unable to find a serious partner, Emma knew that she could soon find herself in the same position.
Hearing her friend's story was like a wake-up call for Emma. She had been dreaming of becoming a mother since her teenage years and the thought of not being able to have a child was devastating. She started to question herself, wondering what was wrong with her and why she couldn't find a partner. She felt hopeless and a little lost. It was at that moment that Emma made a decision - if she hadn't found someone by the time she reached 40, she would become a mother on her own.
And that's exactly what she did. In March 2022, Emma went to a fertility clinic in Leeds and underwent IVF using donor sperm from Denmark. Now, at 43 years old, Emma has a son named Xander who is a year and nine months old and loves dinosaurs. But why did she choose to become a solo mum?
After her breakup, Emma went traveling and felt like she had a new lease on life. However, deep down, she still had a strong desire to become a mother. She tried to push it away and tell herself that if it happened, it happened, but the feeling never went away. The clock was ticking and when she went on dates, she found herself wondering what kind of father her potential partner would be. It was a desperate situation and she felt like she was constantly searching for a partner just so she could become a mother.
After making the decision to do it alone, Emma spent around £9,000 on consultations, tests, medications, and the IVF procedure itself. She even sought counseling to help her come to terms with using donor sperm. Despite the odds of success being only 17%, Emma became pregnant with her first embryo. She asked her best friend Chloe to be her birthing partner and she also attended all of her prenatal appointments.
Emma remembers being incredibly nervous when she took her pregnancy test. She couldn't tell right away if there was a second line, so it was a slow build-up of emotions. But when she saw that second line, she was over the moon. She giggled, she cried, and she sat there alone, rubbing her tummy with gratitude.
Some may assume that being a solo mother would be difficult, but Emma disagrees. In fact, she feels like she had more support because she was on her own. She had friends and family who were there for her every step of the way. Even her friend stayed with her for the first week after birth to help take care of Xander. Of course, there are challenges that come with being a solo mother, such as the cost of childcare and having to constantly watch over her son now that he's walking. But for Emma, it's all worth it.
Becoming a solo mother was never part of Emma's plan, but now she couldn't imagine it any other way. It's been a dream come true for her and she feels incredibly fortunate to be experiencing this next chapter of her life with her son by her side.
Emma is not alone in this journey. In fact, there were 3,548 single women who underwent IVF alone in the past year, an 82% increase since 2019. These women call themselves Solo Mums by Choice and there is even a dedicated Facebook group for them in the UK with over 4,000 members.
However, not everyone understands or supports this decision. Sarah Glover, a 58-year-old solo mum, has faced judgment and negativity throughout her journey. Despite this, she describes the experience as amazing and unbelievable. Some of her family members have not reacted or supported her in the way she had hoped, but her mother and friends have been there for her every step of the way. Sarah's son, Oliver, was born on March 13, 2023.
For Sarah and Emma, becoming solo mothers has been a dream come true. It wasn't their first choice, but it's the way life turned out and they couldn't be happier. They hope that by sharing their stories, they can empower other women who may be considering the same path.
Emma Halliday and her friends Emma, Clare, and Sarah were all photographed with their children, Xander, Albert, Astrid, and Oliver. They all have something in common - they are solo mums by choice.
For Emma, the journey to becoming a solo mum began nine years ago when she sat down with a friend who was waiting for counselling to grieve the fact that she would never have a child. At 45, her friend had not yet found "Mr Right." This realization struck Emma as she realized that she could also potentially face the same situation. She had been broody since she was a teenager and couldn't imagine a life without a child. As she struggled to find a serious partner after a long-term relationship ended at 27, she began to worry and question what was wrong with her. It was then that she made a decision - if she hadn't found someone by the time she turned 40, she would become a mother on her own.
In March 2022, at the age of 43, Emma went to a fertility clinic and underwent IVF using donor sperm from Denmark. She became pregnant and gave birth to her son Xander, who is now a year and nine months old. Emma's decision to become a solo mum was influenced by her desire to have a child and her inability to find a partner. She had always wanted to be a mother and couldn't ignore that feeling, even while trying to convince herself that "if it happens, it happens." After her breakup, she went traveling and had a new lease on life, but the desire to be a mother was always there.
Emma's decision to become a solo mum cost her around £9,000 and involved counseling to help her come to terms with using donor sperm. Despite the low success rate of 17%, she became pregnant after the first embryo was implanted. Her best friend Chloe acted as her birthing partner and accompanied her to prenatal appointments. Emma's pregnancy journey was filled with happy disbelief and gratitude when she saw that second line on the pregnancy test.
While some people assume that solo motherhood would be difficult, Emma found that she had a great support system. Because she was on her own, she had people to help her and felt lucky in that respect. Her friend even stayed with her for the first week after giving birth to help her take care of Xander. Although she had lowered her expectations, she was pleasantly surprised by how manageable motherhood was on her own. Of course, there were difficulties, such as the high cost of childcare and having to keep an eye on Xander now that he can walk, but she believes these challenges are not exclusive to solo mothers.
For Emma, being a solo mum has been a long-awaited dream. She couldn't imagine it any other way and feels fortunate to experience this chapter of her life with her son. She is not alone in this journey, as there has been an 82% increase in the number of single women undergoing IVF alone since 2019. Many call themselves Solo Mums by Choice and have formed a supportive community through a dedicated UK Facebook group with over 4,000 members.
However, not everyone understands or supports this decision. 58-year-old Sarah Glover, who also became a solo mum by choice, has faced judgement and negativity from some of her family members. Despite this, she describes the experience as "unbelievable" and amazing. She has received comments about her age and people questioning her decision, but she has also received support from her mother and friends. Sarah's son Oliver was born in March 2023.
For these women, becoming a solo mum was a decision driven by their strong desire to have a child. They faced challenges, but ultimately found joy and fulfillment in their journey to motherhood.
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