October 6th 2024.
Nine years ago, Emma Halliday was sitting with a friend who was struggling with the fact that she was unable to have a child at 45 because she hadn't found the right partner. This realization hit Emma hard, as she had also been struggling with the same desire to become a mother and was worried that she might end up in a similar situation. Being broody since her teenage years, Emma couldn't imagine a life without a child and this made her feel hopeless and question what was wrong with her. It was then and there that she decided that if she didn't find a partner by the time she turned 40, she would become a mother on her own.
Emma, now 43, decided to take matters into her own hands and in March 2022, she went to a fertility clinic in Leeds to undergo IVF using donor sperm from Denmark. This decision cost her roughly £9,000 and she also received counseling to help her come to terms with using donor sperm. Despite the odds of only a 17% chance of success, Emma became pregnant after the first embryo was inserted and enlisted her best friend Chloe to be her birthing partner throughout the process.
Emma gave birth to her son Xander, now one and nine months old, and found that motherhood was easier than she had expected. Although she had to face the challenges of being a single mother, she had a great support system and felt lucky to have people who helped her along the way. Emma's journey is not unique, as there has been an 82% increase in the number of single women undergoing IVF in the past year. Many of these women, including Emma, refer to themselves as "Solo Mums by Choice" and have formed a supportive community through a dedicated UK Facebook group.
For Emma, becoming a solo mum was not her original plan, but it has been a dream come true. She feels fortunate to experience this next chapter in her life with her son and wouldn't have it any other way. However, not everyone understands this unconventional decision. 58-year-old solo mum Sarah Glover has also faced judgement and negativity throughout her journey, but she still considers it an amazing and unbelievable experience. Despite some family members not being supportive, Sarah's friends and mother have been there for her. She gave birth to her son Oliver in March 2023 and is grateful for the love and joy he has brought into her life.
Emma, Clare, and Sarah were gathered together, chatting and laughing while their children Xander, Albert, Astrid, and Oliver played nearby. It was a heartwarming scene, but it was hard to believe that just a few years ago, these women had been facing an uncertain future.
Nine years ago, Emma Halliday sat across from a friend who was struggling with the idea of never having children. She was 45 years old and on a waiting list for counseling to help her grieve the child she never had. The reason? She hadn't found the right partner.
It was a reality check for Emma, who was also single at the time and in her late 20s. She realized that she could easily end up in the same situation as her friend. "Hearing that was like a slap in the face," Emma recalls. "I had always wanted to be a mother, ever since I was a teenager. The thought of not having a child was devastating. I started to worry and question what was wrong with me and why I hadn't found someone. I felt hopeless."
It was in that moment that Emma made a decision. "I told myself that by the time I turned 40, if I still hadn't found a partner, I would do it alone," she says.
And that's exactly what she did. In March 2022, Emma went to a fertility clinic in Leeds and underwent IVF with donor sperm. Now, at 43 years old, Emma has a son named Xander who is a year and nine months old. He has a fascination with dinosaurs.
When asked why she chose to become a solo mum, Emma explains that after her breakup, she went traveling and had a newfound sense of freedom. However, she couldn't shake the desire to become a mother. "The clock was ticking and whenever I went on dates, I found myself wondering what kind of father my potential partner would be. I was desperate to find someone so I could have a child," she says.
After making the decision to become a solo mum, Emma spent approximately £9,000. This included consultations, tests, medications, and the IVF procedure itself. She even underwent counseling to help her come to terms with using donor sperm.
Despite the odds of success being only 17%, Emma became pregnant after the first embryo was implanted. She enlisted her best friend Chloe to be her birthing partner and support her throughout the pregnancy. Emma describes the moment she found out she was pregnant as a state of "happy disbelief."
Some people might assume that going through pregnancy and motherhood alone would be difficult, but Emma disagrees. "Because I was on my own, I had a great support system of people who helped me," she explains. "I actually feel lucky compared to couples who may not have as much help. Of course, it's not without its challenges, but I was pleasantly surprised at how well I adapted to motherhood alone."
One of the challenges Emma faces is the cost of childcare, which is £75 a day. She also has to be extra vigilant now that Xander is walking, but she believes these challenges are similar to those faced by any parent.
Despite the difficulties, Emma says she wouldn't have it any other way. "Becoming a solo mum has been a dream come true for me. It's something I've wanted for a long time and I feel fortunate to finally experience this chapter of my life with my little boy."
Emma is not alone in her journey. In the past year, 3,548 single women underwent IVF alone in the UK, an 82% increase since 2019. Many of these women call themselves "Solo Mums by Choice" and there is a dedicated Facebook group with over 4,000 members.
However, not everyone understands or supports their decision. Sarah Glover, a 58-year-old solo mum, has faced judgment and negativity throughout her journey. Despite this, she describes the experience as "unbelievable" and "amazing."
"Some people close to me have judged me and questioned my decision," Sarah says. "They say I'm too old or that it's the wrong thing to do. They remind me that I'll be 76 when my son is 20, as if I hadn't considered that. It's been really hard and painful."
But Sarah's mother and friends have been supportive, and that's what matters most. Her son Oliver was born on March 13, 2023.
When asked why she chose to become a solo mum, Sarah simply says, "It was my dream, my long-awaited dream of becoming a mother. It's been a beautiful experience and I feel lucky to share this chapter of my life with my son."
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