February 14th 2025.
The concept of identity being a spectrum is something that is often overlooked in our society. In a world that places so much importance on sex and relationships, romantic love is often glorified, especially during the Valentine's Day season. It's hard to ignore the sea of red and pink in every store, the love songs playing on the radio, and the special menus at restaurants. For those who are single, this time of year can feel particularly isolating. But what about those who do not experience romantic attraction at all?
This is the reality for people who identify as aromantic. They are individuals who, unlike the majority of society, do not experience falling in love and may be content with remaining single for the rest of their lives. However, just like any other identity, aromanticism exists on a spectrum. Some may experience occasional romantic attraction, while others may never feel this way. This does not mean that aromantic individuals are incapable of forming deep and meaningful connections with others. They can have strong friendships, companionships, and love for their friends and family, but it will always be without the traditional romantic element.
It is important to note that aromanticism is different from asexuality, which refers to the lack of sexual attraction. However, there are many individuals who identify as both aromantic and asexual, and the term "A-spec" is used to encompass both identities. Nik Hampshire, a 38-year-old from LA, spent years feeling uncomfortable in romantic relationships. Despite confiding in his friends, he was often dismissed and told he had commitment issues. Nik kept trying to pursue romantic love, but it never felt right to him. Then, in his 20s, he discovered the term "aromantic" online and everything suddenly made sense. When he shared this with his parents, they understood why he had never had a long-term girlfriend.
Realizing he was aromantic gave Nik the language he needed for dating. Instead of saying he's not looking for anything serious or just wants something casual, he is upfront about being aromantic. However, not everyone understands or accepts this identity. Society often tells us that everyone should strive for romantic love, and when someone says they do not experience it, they are met with disbelief. Despite identifying as aromantic, Nik still experiences FOMO (fear of missing out) on Valentine's Day. He wishes he could participate in the romantic gestures and activities that couples do, but he has found his own way to celebrate by spending the day with a friend and doing something fun together.
Similarly, Patrick Bex, who was suggested by his then-girlfriend to be asexual, always loved the concept of romance. He has since discovered that he identifies as aromantic. Patrick, like Nik, has also experienced moments of sadness and feeling like something was broken in him when he sees others in romantic relationships. However, he has also found happiness and fulfillment in the connections he has with his friends and family.
The identity of being aromantic is often misunderstood and overlooked in our society, which places a high value on sex and romantic relationships, especially around Valentine's Day. The holiday is filled with red and pink decorations, love songs on the radio, and restaurants offering special menus for couples. For those who are single, it can be a particularly isolating day. But what about those who do not experience romantic attraction at all?
This is the reality for aromantics. It is a spectrum, just like any other identity. Some aromantic individuals may experience occasional romantic attraction, while others do not experience it at all. This does not mean that they cannot form deep and meaningful connections with others, such as strong friendships or companionship, and love for their friends and family. However, it will always be without the traditional romantic element.
It is important to note that being aromantic is different from being asexual, which refers to the lack of sexual attraction. However, many people identify as both, and use the term "A-spec" to describe themselves. One such person is Nik Hampshire, who spent years feeling uncomfortable in romantic relationships. Despite trying to be a "good boyfriend," he always seemed to fail and was often dismissed by friends who thought he had commitment issues.
Nik, who is now 38 and living in LA, kept trying to pursue romantic love, but it never felt right to him. Then, in his 20s, he came across the term "aromantic" online, and suddenly everything clicked into place. It was like a lightbulb went off for him. When he told his parents, they finally understood why he had never had a long-term girlfriend. Realizing he was aromantic gave Nik the vocabulary he needed for dating. Instead of saying, "I'm not looking for anything serious" or "I want something casual," he can now be upfront with people and tell them he is aromantic.
However, not everyone understands or accepts this identity. In a society that places great importance on romantic love and relationships, it can be difficult for some to comprehend that not everyone experiences it. This can lead to feelings of isolation and exclusion for aromantic individuals, especially on holidays like Valentine's Day. Despite identifying as aromantic, Nik admits to experiencing FOMO when he sees others participating in romantic traditions. But he has found his own way to celebrate by spending the day with a friend and role-playing a couple's date.
Patrick Bex shares a similar experience. While he has always loved the concept of romance, his then-girlfriend suggested he might be asexual during their 15-month relationship in university. It wasn't until later, when he found the term "aromantic," that he realized it also applied to him. For Patrick, being aromantic means being able to appreciate the beauty of romance without feeling the need to participate in it himself.
The identities of aromantic and asexual are often misunderstood and overlooked in our society. But for those who identify as such, it is a valid and important part of who they are. It is a spectrum, just like any other identity, and should be accepted and celebrated.
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