June 16th 2024.
It's a common experience for trans and non-binary individuals to feel excluded from single sex spaces. For 21-year-old Hannah Temple, this reality hit close to home when she found herself seeking refuge at Loving Me - the only domestic and sexual violence shelter in the UK specifically for trans and non-binary individuals.
Hannah's journey to Loving Me was a result of experiencing domestic abuse from her partner, who was also her only source of support in the world. "It was a really difficult situation because I had nowhere else to turn. My family had disowned me a few years ago when I came out as transgender," Hannah shares with The Agency. "Being with my partner felt like I was alone with one person controlling everything, and it took a huge toll on me emotionally."
Loving Me was founded by Amanda Elwen in 2023. As a non-binary individual with 25 years of experience in the domestic abuse sector, Amanda noticed a lack of support and safe spaces for those who were not cis women. The idea for Loving Me came to fruition when Amanda received a call from a worker at a women's refuge in Blackpool. A trans woman was in need of refuge but was turned away due to the shelter's "single sex policy." At just 23 years old, this woman had already experienced significant domestic abuse and was left with no other option but to seek shelter at a male homeless hostel where she was sexually assaulted by six men within the first three days. Loving Me opened its doors to her immediately.
Amanda shares with Metro, "It was at that moment when I realized how public services, which are meant to protect people, are actually putting them at even more risk. No victim deserves to be in a situation where they are at a higher risk of harm."
For Hannah, who had recently come out as transgender before the pandemic, the support she received at Loving Me was crucial. Her family had disowned her, and she had also faced challenges being accepted in single sex spaces in her hometown of Leicester. "It's always difficult for me to interact with single sex spaces because of the fear of something happening or being said," Hannah explains. "It has happened a few times, but I continue to try and engage in these spaces because it's my right. However, it's disheartening when I have bad experiences."
Before finding refuge at Loving Me, Hannah had been staying in temporary housing. But when her support worker informed her about Loving Me's accommodation options, she jumped at the opportunity. "I thought to myself, 'I can't keep living like this, I need to get out.' And it was the perfect choice," Hannah shares. She stayed at Loving Me for five months and credits the shelter for helping her rebuild herself and find her identity again.
One of the most significant aspects of Loving Me, according to Hannah, is that it is run exclusively by trans and non-binary individuals. "The support was incredible because the staff knew what you were going through as trans people," she explains. "You don't have to try and explain to cisgender people what dysphoria is and how it's impacting you on top of everything else. They helped me heal and find myself again."
Unfortunately, Hannah's story is not unique. According to statistics, 72% of transgender and non-binary individuals will experience domestic abuse in their lifetime. This reality is what drove Amanda to open Loving Me. As a board member for the Women's Aid Federation for England, Amanda became frustrated and disappointed with the conversations happening around who should have access to domestic abuse services. "Some of these conversations were oppressive and discriminatory towards trans people," Amanda shares. "A handful of people were talking about excluding trans women from refuge spaces, and that did not sit well with me."
After conducting national consultations with trans individuals, Amanda discovered that many of them felt let down by the police when reporting domestic abuse and were being rejected from shelters. "I've always believed that any victim of abuse should have access to support when they need it," Amanda explains. "No one should be left isolated, and it felt like no one was listening."
With funding from the Police Crime Commissioners Office and the rank foundation, Loving Me was able to open its doors. The shelter offers accommodation, safety planning, emotional support, and advice with court proceedings. They also work to educate domestic abuse services across the country on being more inclusive of trans individuals.
The shelter has seven bedrooms, including two family rooms for those with children, and a flat for anyone not ready for shared accommodation. Despite having only six staff members, Loving Me has already helped over 200 trans and non-binary individuals and has 76 open cases nationally.
For Melissa, who works at the shelter, it's more than just a job. "To come into a workplace where, as a trans person, you're accepted for who you are means a lot," she shares. Her day consists of providing emotional support to individuals all over the country through various means, including phone calls, Zoom, web chat, and email. She also provides face-to-face support for those staying at Loving Me.
"It's special to work for a by-and-for service, and I feel privileged," Melissa adds. "Other organizations could do more to support trans individuals. I've seen incidents where staff members can't remember people's pronouns or are dismissive of trans individuals. This can alienate people who are seeking services."
At Loving Me, survivors never have to worry about discrimination. It's a safe space where individuals like Hannah can find support and healing. "Even after leaving Loving Me, I know that the support is still there for me," Hannah shares. "As long as they can help, they will fight for you. It's incredible to know that I have people in my corner. I've been building myself up from the ground, and I don't have to do it alone."
*Names have been changed to protect identities.
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