June 13th 2024.
When actor Matt Smith was asked about his co-star Emma D'Arcy at the House of the Dragon premiere, he had nothing but praise for their performance. Smith expressed excitement for viewers to see D'Arcy's work and called it "absolutely brilliant." This response may seem ordinary, but it actually holds a valuable lesson on respecting someone's pronouns.
During the interview, presenter Sue Perkins accidentally referred to D'Arcy using "she" instead of their preferred pronouns, "they" and "them." However, instead of calling her out directly, Smith handled the situation gracefully. A clip of the exchange was shared on social media, where Smith's respectful reply gained a lot of attention and support.
Perkins later apologized publicly on X, acknowledging her mistake and expressing her admiration for D'Arcy's work. It's important to remember that mistakes can happen when it comes to pronouns, but it's crucial to take responsibility and make amends, as Perkins did.
I can relate to this as someone who has gone through a transition. When I first started, my friends and family also made mistakes with my pronouns. However, I knew that their intentions were never malicious. There's a big difference between genuine mistakes and intentional disrespect. Nowadays, I am usually gendered correctly by strangers, but I still remember the pain of being misgendered repeatedly by the same people.
It's like getting poked – the first few times may not bother you, but after a while, it becomes unbearable. An apology can go a long way in easing that pain. Perkins' apology was a great example of how to own up to a mistake, correct it, and move forward. She showed how to be a good ally, and that's something we should all strive for. If more people reacted like her instead of getting defensive, misgendering would be far less hurtful for those involved.
D'Arcy has previously spoken about the pressure they felt to present as a woman in the industry. Coming out as non-binary was a liberating experience for them, and it's heartwarming to see their co-stars support them the way Smith did. As a trans person myself, I know the feeling of trying to live up to society's expectations of how I should look and act. Coming out was a turning point for me, and I'm grateful to have a supportive partner, friends, and family.
But unfortunately, misgendering still happens all the time. Earlier this year, the non-binary Swiss winner of Eurovision, known as Nemo, was misgendered by commentators and fellow contestants. This is where journalists and interviewers need to do their research and be mindful of their language. It takes little effort to prepare for an interview, and it's not difficult to use someone's preferred pronouns.
My advice to those who have made a mistake is to be humble about it. Listen to the person and apologize, instead of making excuses or getting defensive. Trust me, the person you misgendered feels worse than you do. It's also essential to remember that it's not about you or your embarrassment – it's about respecting someone's identity. It takes practice and a willingness to get it right, but it's worth it.
Trans and non-binary people deserve to be respected and recognized for who we are. Journalists and interviewers have a responsibility to be respectful and professional at all times, including using someone's correct pronouns. We are not going anywhere, and it's basic human decency to use the pronouns people ask for.
We need more allies like Matt Smith and accountability like Sue Perkins in the world. Do you have a story to share? Email jess.email. And don't forget to share your thoughts in the comments below.
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