November 10th 2023.
A mother, known on Reddit as OP, posted a question on the popular subreddit AmITheA--hole. The post was to ask if it was okay to set up savings accounts for her biological children, but not her step-child. She wanted to know what others thought.
OP is the parent of two offspring and one bonus child from her husband’s previous relationship. She married her husband without any children of her own, and his daughter was already four years old. She shared how she had taken an active role in parenting and nurturing her step-daughter, even though she was aware that she was not the child's mother.
When OP found out she was pregnant with her first child, she started a savings account and began routing money into it every pay period. When she got pregnant with her second, she doubled the amount to make sure that her biological kids would have an equal amount. She had mentioned this account to her husband, but he didn’t seem to care or contribute, and OP was the only one with access.
Months later, she revisited the topic of savings with her husband. She asked if he and his ex had started a savings account for their daughter, and he said no. OP suggested that he should, since his ex isn’t reliable with money and their two kids would be receiving the money after graduation. Her husband agreed.
The topic resurfaced again when OP and her friends discussed saving money for children after viewing a TikTok. OP told her friends that her two biological children had a savings account, but not her bonus daughter. She said that her bonus daughter was taken care of when she was with them, but that she shouldn’t have to take away from her bio kids to give to her when her own parents could do that.
The reaction from her friends was different from what OP expected. They told her that if she genuinely accepted her step-daughter’s situation, she should provide the same opportunity for her that she did for her biological children.
OP then posted her question on Reddit, asking for opinions. She said she treated her bonus daughter the same as her other children, but didn’t feel responsible for doing her parents’ job. Many users supported her decisions, but one user wrote that OP was essentially acting as the step-daughter’s de facto parent, and questioned how she would feel about the situation one day. The user suggested that OP should set aside money for her step-daughter, while pushing her father and ex to do the same, so that she ends up in the same place as her siblings.
Overall, OP was looking for advice from the Reddit community as to how she should handle this situation.
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