January 4th 2025.
As many of us know, navigating blended families can be a complicated and challenging experience. This week's Sex Column delves into a taboo topic that can arise in these situations: a stepparent developing romantic feelings for their partner's adult child. Our reader, who has been married for 12 years, recently encountered his estranged stepdaughter, now in her twenties, and has begun to develop feelings for her. He is understandably torn and seeks advice on how to handle this delicate situation. But before we dive into the advice, be sure to check out last week's column, where a woman shared her struggles with being ostracized by her coworkers after a drunken Christmas party mishap.
The reader begins by explaining that his wife's daughter was just three years old when her father left, and by the time he entered the picture, she was already ten and didn't take kindly to him. He tried his best to form a bond with her, but she rejected his attempts, possibly feeling like he was taking her mother away. Despite her father leaving for another woman, she always idolized him, and when the reader and his wife got married, she moved in with him full-time. This understandably caused pain for the reader's partner, but she wanted to be with him and reluctantly accepted this arrangement. The relationship between the reader and his stepdaughter has remained distant over the years, with her rarely visiting their home, but his wife continues to stay in touch with her.
Fast forward to the present, and the stepdaughter, now 22, has apologized for her past behavior and expressed a desire to start over. The reader has accepted her apology, but now finds himself struggling with romantic thoughts about her. He's worried about these feelings and doesn't want to ruin any chance of building a close relationship with her. He's also concerned about how his wife and their friends would react if they knew about his inappropriate attraction.
In response to the reader's dilemma, the advice is clear: he needs to gain control over his thoughts and prioritize his relationship with his wife and stepdaughter. As an experienced agony aunt, the columnist has seen this issue arise before and emphasizes the importance of maintaining boundaries. While the reader may not have lived with his stepdaughter throughout her life, it's crucial to establish and respect the natural boundaries that exist between a father and daughter. Whenever he finds himself having inappropriate thoughts about her, he should immediately distract himself and focus on something else. The columnist also reminds him to consider how his actions would hurt his wife and their relationship with their stepdaughter.
The advice also includes practical tips, such as spending more quality time with his wife and seeking professional help if needed. It's crucial for the reader to prioritize his wife's feelings and make an effort to strengthen their relationship. The article also suggests looking into support groups for stepfamilies, which can provide valuable resources and guidance in navigating complex family dynamics. In the end, the columnist reminds readers that she is always available to offer expert advice on sex and dating dilemmas. So if you find yourself in a similar situation, don't hesitate to reach out for her expertise.
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