Having a certain age gap between siblings isn't necessary; it's just a way to put pressure on moms.

When people start to ask when I might start ‘thinking about number two’, I can’t help but feel overwhelmed. Having a baby is a huge commitment, and has a huge impact on your life, no matter what age you are, or how many children you already have.

I am a mother to one-year-old son, and I am now returning to my work as a writer after taking a year off to be his primary carer. I have made no secret of the fact that I would like to have another child, if I am able to.

However, it’s not as simple as that. Going through another pregnancy and having another child is a big deal, and I don’t take the decision lightly.

The first year of my son’s life was extremely difficult for me. I suffered from postnatal mental health difficulties, and it took a lot of work – including therapy, medicine, self-compassion and time – for me to reach the place where I am now: really enjoying the role of mother and the time I spend with my little boy.

At the same time, I am also aware of the current economic climate and how this is restricting peoples’ decisions over whether or not to start – or add members to – a family.

I understand why people ask me about my plans to have another baby. It’s natural. But these questions often come laden with pressure, and I don’t want to be made to feel guilty about the decisions I make.

I am enjoying this time with my son and I am not quite ‘there’ yet in terms of my readiness to try for a second child. When the time is right, I will consider it and see if we can add another member to our family.
Having a baby is a big deal and so I was somewhat taken aback when friends and work contacts started asking when I might start 'thinking about number two'. It's something that has been on my mind since my son was born, and his first year of life was difficult. I was struggling with postnatal depression and anxiety, and so the thought of going through another pregnancy felt daunting.

However, scrolling through Instagram the other day, I stumbled across a post about the 'ideal age gaps' between siblings. It made me curious, so I read the caption about how this space in time between them may be beneficial for the development of each child, their bond and their future relationship. Since then, I have seen lots of related content about the advantages and disadvantages of different age gaps between children.

Now that I am feeling better, the possibility of being pregnant again evokes a sense of excitement, rather than the fear it once did. That's great progress and I'm very proud of myself. But I'm not quite at the point where I'm ready to try for a second child yet.

There are a number of factors at play here, including the economic situation we are currently in, and the fact that I have just returned to work after being my son's primary carer for the past year. Added to this, the focus of questions about our plans to add another member to our family has been on the potential age gap there would be between my son and any other child I may have. Though well-intentioned, this kind of enquiry has the unintended consequence of layering pressure and guilt onto an already sensitive subject.

At the moment, I am just happy to enjoy the role of mother and the time I spend with my son. It's an incredible privilege to watch him grow and learn and I'm grateful for the chance to show him the world. But until I feel ready, my mind can't help but ponder when the time will be right to see if we can add another member to our line-up.

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