November 10th 2024.
Growing up, I always felt like I didn't quite fit into the traditional mold that society expected of me. As I got older, I identified as non-binary and pansexual, but I never had a big coming out moment – it just felt natural to me.
In December 2019, I met Violet at our local pub in Nottingham. We would see each other around and flirt, and I immediately got the impression that she was friendly, bubbly, and a bit chaotic. One night, she surprised me by asking if we could kiss and then walking away. It definitely caught my attention.
As we got to know each other, Violet told me that she already had a partner, Gary, but they were in a polyamorous relationship. This was new to me, as all of my past relationships had been monogamous. But I was intrigued and wanted to learn more.
Our first date was spent browsing through charity shops, and from there, we progressed to going on cinema dates and having picnics. I became Violet's secondary partner, meaning we were in a non-exclusive relationship with less commitment than her primary partner. When they ended their relationship, I was there to support Violet during a difficult time.
But just as we were getting more serious, the pandemic hit and made it difficult for us to see each other. It wasn't until the end of 2020 that we decided to become primary partners. This just meant that I was there for Violet more and checked in with her, like in any other relationship.
In the midst of all of this, I decided to download a dating app called Feeld. That's where I matched with Martha in July 2023. We hit it off immediately, and I was thrilled when we both agreed to be each other's secondary partners. Martha was into the kink scene, which was something I wanted to explore more.
As it turns out, Martha and Violet had a lot in common, and they became friends as well. We all hang out together, play video games, watch movies, and do everyday coupley things. It's been a happy symbiosis.
Of course, navigating a polyamorous relationship has its challenges. Emotions can run high, and we make sure to communicate openly and honestly with each other. We also have to navigate any feelings of insecurity or jealousy that may come up.
But the biggest lesson I've learned through all of this is that loving someone else doesn't take away from the love I have for anyone else. Today, Martha has two other secondary partners, and Violet has another partner as well. But for me, I'm content with how things are and am not actively looking for any more partners.
For anyone considering polyamory, my advice would be to be open and honest. It may not be for everyone, but there's no harm in trying and seeing if it's something that could bring joy and fulfillment to your life. You never know – it could change your life for the better.
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