August 17th 2024.
It's not easy to keep secrets from the ones we love, especially when those secrets involve our deepest desires and fantasies. Despite the increasing acceptance of kink in society, many people still struggle with revealing their fetishes to their partners. This is the case for our reader this week, who has been living a double life for the past three years.
As a man in his late thirties, our reader is engaged to a woman ten years younger and considers himself lucky to have her. However, he has been hiding a secret from her since the beginning of their relationship. He has a strong affinity for BDSM and regularly visits a dungeon to fulfill his submissive desires with a dominatrix.
What started as a joke in his university days has turned into a regular habit that he cannot seem to break. Our reader admits that there is a sexual element to his visits and he feels a sense of relief afterwards. He enjoys being handcuffed and spanked, but has never asked his fiancée to fulfill these fantasies for fear of her reaction. He hates keeping this secret from her and knows that he needs to address it before they get married and start a family.
The advice given to our reader acknowledges the complexity of his situation. While it would be ideal for him to come clean to his fiancée and for her to accept his fetish, it is not a realistic expectation. There is a possibility that she may see it as a form of cheating and be unable to move past it. Furthermore, his BDSM fetish is not something he can simply turn off or stop pursuing. It is a part of who he is and it is important for him to accept that.
Therapy is recommended as a way for our reader to gain a deeper understanding and acceptance of himself. It is not about changing who he is, but rather learning to embrace all aspects of himself. However, this still leaves the issue of his impending marriage. It is important for him to be honest with his fiancée and let her make an informed decision about their future together. It may be difficult, but it is better to be truthful now than to cause more hurt and betrayal later on.
For those who may be going through a similar situation, the advice suggests exploring dating apps or communities where they can connect with like-minded individuals who share their interests. It may be a better fit for them and ultimately lead to a happier and more fulfilling relationship.
The message is clear: it is important to be true to oneself and to communicate openly and honestly with our partners. While it may be scary and difficult, it is necessary for building strong and healthy relationships.
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