March 4th 2023.
Glancing over my shoulder in a coffee shop, I noticed two women, both joyfully bouncing babies on their laps. One of them mentioned the phrase 'mum guilt' - something I was unfamiliar with - and the other nodded in agreement. I was curious as to what it was she was referring to, since from what I could tell, she was doing an excellent job of parenting. I later discovered that it is an emotion of disappointment or insufficiency as a mother, which is raised often in parenting circles, together with 'momfluencers' on social media. Whether it is feeding styles or sleep training strategies, mothers can feel guilty about almost any aspect of caring for a child.
(Image Source: https://metro.co.uk) Yet, since my daughter's birth in early 2021, I have never experienced this sensation. I don't know what has made me different, but I have never succumbed to the self-doubting pain - and I believe other mothers should be more considerate to themselves as well. We are all doing the best for our kids, so what is there to be anxious about?
In my case, I didn't experience guilt when I had to give my daughter Moira a bottle in the evenings due to a lack of breast milk; I was simply happy that she wasn't hungry anymore. Similarly, I didn't feel remorseful for allowing her to 'cry it out' for an hour at five months so she could learn to self-soothe - we all got better sleep as a result!
(Image Source: https://metro.co.uk) Having a baby is a life transforming event and no one should be made to feel bad for how they are managing it. The only thing that has slightly made me feel uncertain is when my daughter went to nursery so I could go back to work. When the pandemic had affected my workload and finances, the choice to take a job offered in the summer of 2021 was an easy one. Beyond the financial incentives, I am not embarrassed to say that the prospect of being stimulated by something apart from weaning or baby sensory classes was exciting.
Glancing over my shoulder in a coffee shop, I noticed two women, both with babies contentedly bouncing on their laps. Then, one of them mentioned something I'd never heard before: 'mum guilt'.
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