October 27th 2024.
As I lay in the hospital bed, recovering from giving birth to my first child, my phone was constantly buzzing with texts and calls from loved ones. It was a beautiful feeling to know that so many people were excited about our new arrival. My husband, Dan, had left the hospital after spending a precious few hours with us in the newborn bubble. He would return the next day when visiting hours resumed.
During those early days, I couldn't help but share the news of our daughter, Minna's, arrival with my friends. I remember typing, "Guess who's here?!" as I sent photos of our tiny, pink and scrunched-up bundle of joy. It was March 2021, and I was completely besotted with her. And it seemed like everyone else was too. From the moment we were discharged from the hospital, our home was filled with flowers, doughnuts, and even personalized clothing for Minna. The outpouring of love and support from our friends and family was truly humbling.
In the midst of the chaos and sleepless nights that come with having a newborn, I was so grateful for everyone's excitement. It helped me get through the tough moments and the tricky feeds. But as I settled into my new role as a mother, I couldn't help but wonder how things would be different the second time around.
Introducing Minna to our friends and family was an incredible experience. Seeing the people we loved dote on our daughter filled my heart with so much love. After all, the more people who loved our child, the better! But in June 2022, we received even more exciting news – I was pregnant with our second child. As my bump grew, we read books to Minna about becoming a big sister, hoping to help her bond with the baby so she wouldn't feel replaced.
The night before my scheduled c-section in February 2023, I hugged my 22-month-old daughter, knowing that things would be different the next time I saw her. She wouldn't be the youngest anymore, and our lives wouldn't revolve solely around her. I was unsure how this would make her, or the rest of us, feel. But on February 3, my son, Lando, was born, and we became a family of four.
As I navigated the newborn stage for the second time, I soon realized that things were different, but not in the way I had expected. Since I was breastfeeding, Lando was often attached to me, and I was the person closest to him during those first few weeks of his life. This meant that Dan and the steady stream of visitors were left to care for Minna, who was, and still is, a very busy child.
Everyone was so anxious not to upset Minna that when friends and family came to visit, they would often spend all their time playing with her. It was heartwarming to see how much they loved her, but sometimes it came at Lando's expense. People felt like they would be cheating on Minna, their first love, by giving attention to the new baby.
I found myself constantly saying, "Lando's cute too!" and trying to include him in conversations about Minna's effervescent personality. Maybe it was because newborns don't do much except feed, cry, and fill their diapers. They can't help but look like a little potato next to a lively and energetic toddler. At times, I felt like it was Lando and me against the world, and I felt a sad sort of protectiveness on his behalf.
Even Dan, who is a fantastic father and who I knew loved Lando, took longer to bond with the new baby. Instead of spending slow hours in a newborn bubble with two parents to one tiny baby, his time was spent making sure Minna was happy and adjusting well. And as for me, his overprotective parent, I made mistakes too. During Minna's second birthday when Lando was just seven weeks old, I was so caught up in the excitement of her blowing out her birthday candles that I forgot I had left Lando strapped in his baby chair facing away from everyone else.
But despite my initial sadness and feelings of protectiveness for Lando, I soon realized that people had loved Minna effortlessly because they didn't know anything else. They had fallen in love with her immediately, which is unlike any other relationship in life. But after nearly two years, their bond with Minna was so strong that it was hard to make room for someone else. It took time for them to get to know Lando and for him to develop a personality that they could react to.
After months of feeling defensive and protective of my chubby little dumpling, I started to see a change. People began to see the adorable, serious, and cheeky baby that I knew Lando was. As he started to interact and show flashes of his personality, I could see the love for him grow in others. I never doubted that my heart had enough space for both of my children, but it warmed my heart to see others make space for Lando too.
Now, Minna is three-and-a-half years old, and Lando is 19 months old. They play together, and Lando can give as good as he gets. He may be more reserved than Minna, who loves a good cuddle, but when he smiles, it's like sunshine. People can't help but fall in love with him now, and as I watch both of my children clambering all over my husband or giving their grandparents and friends cuddles, I feel grateful that our loved ones love them both equally.
But if you're visiting someone who has just had their second baby, please make an effort to fuss over the newborn. It may be just what a tired mama needs to see. After all, there's always enough love to go around. Do you have a similar experience? Share it with us by emailing jess.email. We'd love to hear from you. And don't forget to share your thoughts in the comments below.
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