May 22nd 2024.
Ryan, a single person, expressed the common sentiments of many other single individuals. It's a phrase that most of us have heard before: "learn to love yourself and then you'll find your soul mate." The implication is that if you put in the effort, become successful, hit the gym, and take care of your mental health, you will eventually stumble upon the perfect relationship you've been searching for. But despite all the hard work and self-improvement, why are there still so many amazing single people out there who have yet to find "The One?"
It's no surprise that about 91% of single men and 94% of single women feel like dating and finding their person is nearly impossible. Ryan Spencer, a young single woman, took to TikTok to vent her frustrations in a raw and unfiltered rant that resonated with many. In the video, which has now gained almost 600,000 views, she sat in her car, tears streaming down her face, questioning when it would be "her turn" to find a partner.
"Quick question, are you f**king kidding me?" Ryan exclaimed. She then went on to explain her desire for love in her life and her weariness of being without it, especially because she has put so much effort into self-improvement. "I have built a beautiful life for myself. I'm happy with where I'm at in my job, my success, my independence, my health. I take such good care of myself. The only thing missing is someone to share it with. I'm so sick of waiting," she said, exasperated.
"What more do I have to do to fix myself before I'm allowed to be happy? Before I'm allowed to meet this soul mate that God supposedly has for me?" Ryan questioned. "I feel like I'm being punished for something I didn't do."
Unsurprisingly, Ryan's video received over 6,000 comments from people who could relate to her frustrations. Many shared their own experiences and thoughts, such as Ashley Shaw who said, "Worst one for me is 'oooh it will happen when you least expect it.'" Another person named Hayley wrote, "MAN I feel this! I'm tired of everyone saying, 'Find what makes you happy! Go take a pottery class, volunteer, go for a hike...' No. What will make me happy is to have someone to do life with."
Chanté Joseph also shared a response to Ryan's video, saying, "I think it makes people who are in relationships seem as if they are better than single people because they have achieved something due to them working on themselves. It makes single people feel inadequate because they haven't become self-actualized or they're not going to the gym six times a week."
Psychologist Emma Kenny chimes in, saying that it's normal to feel defeated in this situation. "Society often places enormous pressure on us to couple up, as if being in a relationship is the pinnacle of success," she explains. "It's incredibly frustrating. You're doing all the right things, hitting the gym, pursuing your passions, practicing self-care, yet you're still single. It can feel like you're in some twisted game where the relationship prize is just out of reach, no matter how hard you try."
But Emma reminds us that it's essential not to let this frustration consume us and overshadow the good things in life. She encourages us to focus on balance and contentment within ourselves, saying, "You deserve to be the best version of you, not because you're waiting for a relationship as a reward. Celebrate your journey and know that you're doing just fine."
Ryan's message is clear: all the advice about self-love and self-improvement leading to finding love is simply not working for her and many others. "All that stuff is a bunch of crap," she says. "People need to understand this stuff is luck." She also points out that some of the "worst people" she knows are in relationships. So while the situation may seem hopeless, the takeaway is this: you are enough, and it's okay to feel defeated. And who knows, perhaps love will come when we least expect it.
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