July 7th 2023.
Is your book boyfriend as awful as mine? We all know what it's like to be entranced by the mysterious, morally grey alphahole. But why do some of us find these behaviours so attractive in our fictional love interests when we would never accept them from a man in real life?
Booktoker Kaylie Helfrich has a theory. A 32-year-old chemist from Denver, Kaylie tells The Agency: "I love when the psycho book boyfriend is psycho to everyone but his partner. They aren't bound by morals, so they are willing to do anything to protect them and show them they care."
Kaylie, a domestic violence survivor, adds: "It may stem from my past traumas, but from my experiences in the real world there aren't many people willing to fight for what they want. People break up and give up on each other over small things all the time, so it's refreshing when a man will say things along the lines of, 'You can hate me for what I've done, but I will never stop loving you.'"
The 'dark romance' genre often comes with trigger warnings, but Kaylie finds comfort in them. "As a domestic violence survivor I have used dark romance books as a coping mechanism. I watch many characters go through traumatic things that are sometimes similar to the things I've been through, and there is a sense of security knowing that it will all work out for them in the end."
But for the perfect book boyfriend, Kaylie has one condition: "Something that is the same in all of the books I choose to read is the loyalty to the person they love. Once they fall for each other, it is them versus everyone else. They are always each other's number one. That is what I love."
The enigmatic appeal of the dark romance book boyfriend has led to some criticism of works such as 50 Shades of Grey and 365 Days. But clinical sexologist and therapist Ness Cooper believes the attraction could be rooted in evolution.
Ness tells The Agency: "Evolutionist psychologists some believe extreme violence was to show which mate is the winner and has a higher chance of reproduction. It could be evolutionally and reproductively built into some of us."
So what is the reasoning behind the attraction of a male character who would do terrible things to everyone else but never to you? According to Ness, "Risk and pleasure are closely linked in the brain and when one is activated the other can be close by."
At the end of the day, it's safe to say that the allure of the dark romance book boyfriend is a complex one. But it's no surprise that millions of us are fans.
Is your book boyfriend as awful as mine? Many of us are attracted to a certain type of fictional man that doesn't quite fit the mold of what we'd want in real life. Kaylie Helfrich, a 32-year-old chemist from Denver and domestic violence survivor, is no exception.
Kaylie tells The Agency: “I love when the psycho book boyfriend is psycho to everyone but his partner. They aren't bound by morals, so they are willing to do anything to protect them and show them they care.”
It's an interesting phenomenon that some of us find these behaviours so attractive in our fictional love interests when we would never accept them from a man in real life. For Kaylie, it may stem from her past traumas. “From my experiences in the real world there aren't many people willing to fight for what they want. People break up and give up on each other over small things all the time, so it's refreshing when a man will say things along the lines of, ‘You can hate me for what I've done, but I will never stop loving you.’ In reality they don't always have that same sense of loyalty and devotion. I think I spent so many years wanting one of those guys to change and show me the type of loyalty I was craving, but it never happened.”
Kaylie adds that dark romance books provide a sense of security. “The element of safety comes from knowing that it will always get better. As a domestic violence survivor I have used dark romance books as a coping mechanism. I watch many characters go through traumatic things that are sometimes similar to the things I've been through, and there is a sense of security knowing that it will all work out for them in the end.”
But in order for a dark romance male love interest to really hit the spot , they need to “be morally grey to everyone but their partner,” she says. “It's fine when a book starts with him kidnapping her, and then over time falling for her, but once he falls in love he can't be treating her poorly. Something that is the same in all of the books I choose to read is the loyalty to the person they love. Sometimes it's grey before they fall in love, but once they fall for each other, it is them versus everyone else. They are always each other's number one. That is what I love. It is too far for me when that doesn't happen.”
So why do millions of us enjoy these stories? Clinical sexologist and therapist Ness Cooper explains it could be to do with evolution. Ness says: “Evolutionist psychologists some believe extreme violence was to show which mate is the winner and has a higher chance of reproduction. It could be evolutionally and reproductively built into some of us.”
It's clear that there's something about toxic book boyfriends that many of us find attractive, whether it be the loyalty they show or the idea of feeling like the only one. Whatever the reason, it's important to acknowledge that this behaviour is not acceptable in real life.
[This article has been trending online recently and has been generated with AI. Your feed is customized.]
[Generative AI is experimental.]
