Watched a video of someone's dad and felt envious.

At the age of 16, Jess lost her dad. It's not something that she talks about often, but sometimes the memories hit her hard, like when she stumbled upon a TikTok video that left her in tears. It was a girl's video of her and her dad, and it reminded Jess so much of her own experience. Both of their fathers had passed away from brain tumors, despite being healthy and fit their whole lives. The video showed them laughing and renovating the girl's first home together, and every step was punctuated with a celebratory high-five. Jess was devastated by the beauty of this snapshot of their life together.

There's something about these videos on TikTok that captures the essence of everyday moments shared between loved ones. The ones that, in the end, are the ones you miss the most. It's the simple act of being in each other's presence, enjoying each other's company, laughing over nothing, and celebrating small victories. As someone who also lost their dad at a young age, Jess knows what it's like to feel that sense of loss, and seeing these videos on "GriefTok" brings her some comfort knowing that she's not alone in her grief.

But at the same time, Jess can't help but feel a sense of longing when she sees the quality of these videos and photos. She knows that for her, the only memories she has left of her dad are the ones captured in their photos and home videos. Back in 2012, when Blackberrys and iPhone 5s were still all the rage, her dad was diagnosed with a glioblastoma, the most aggressive form of brain tumor. They called it "The Terminator," but her dad managed to find humor in the situation. For the next 10 months, Jess and her family spent all their time together, trying to make the most of every moment and preserving them through photos and videos.

Unfortunately, the technology back then was not as advanced as it is now, and the grainy, hazy footage from their digital camera and camcorder is nothing compared to the quality of videos today. Jess is grateful that her parents loved making home videos, but she wishes she had more of them. She has only three or four low-quality videos on her old iPhone 5, and some blurry footage from their camcorder. But she has watched them thousands of times, and she knows them by heart.

When Jess lost two of her closest family friends earlier this year, she was struck by how different grieving is in the digital age. She had an immense archive of videos, voicemails, and photos to look back on, and it brought her comfort to see her friends' faces and hear their voices again. She could watch a recent voicemail from Norma or a video of them all playing games together, and it felt like they were still there with her. She didn't have to rely on her memories to remember their voices, their laughter, and their smiles.

That's why Jess can't help but feel a bit envious of those who grieve in the digital age. They have unknowingly captured the most precious memories of their loved ones and created a time capsule of their time together. Jess wishes she had more videos of her dad, of him laughing and being silly as he always was. She knows the value of these videos, and she wishes she had the same for her dad.

Since moving back in with her mom during the pandemic, Jess has been capturing every moment with her on video. Baking, dancing, singing, laughing, even just zoning out while watching TV. She cherishes these videos, and they bring a smile to her face every time she watches them. She wishes she had done the same with her dad, but she didn't know then how much she would want these memories now.

Jess encourages everyone to document everything on their phones, even if they're not big on social media. Because one day, those videos will be all you have left, and you'll cherish them more than you can express. She knows this from experience, as she studies the lines on her dad's face in old photographs, trying to remember the sound of his voice and his mannerisms. She wishes she had more videos of him, doing anything or simply doing nothing. Because even though they may be gone, these videos keep their loved ones alive in their hearts and memories.

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