March 20th 2024.
It's no secret that politics can be a cutthroat game, especially in the Westminster Bubble. As a member of Parliament for 14 years, I have heard my fair share of scandalous rumors, but none quite as outlandish as the recent "tea room plots" involving my colleagues Penny Mordaunt and Rishi Sunak.
For those unfamiliar with the term, "tea room plots" refer to the gossip that circulates among MPs in the tea room. And let me tell you, the rumors are flying high right now about a supposed plan to replace Rishi Sunak with Penny Mordaunt as the new face of the party.
Now, I can't confirm or deny the validity of these rumors, but I do have one question: will these tea room plotters actually follow through with their scheme or will they keep it to themselves? It seems like ever since the books First Among Equals and House of Cards, there has been a persistent myth that Parliament is a hotbed of intrigue and backstabbing, where everyone is a Francis Urquhart or a Regina George.
But let's be real, my former colleague Paul Masterton said it best when he compared our political landscape to Mean Girls - a fitting analogy, especially with the recent portrayal of Penny Mordaunt as a sword-wielding Regina George. And I have to admit, after seeing her performance at the Coronation, I can't deny that she does have a certain flair for the dramatic.
But let's not forget that she is no Brutus, even if some sections of the media are painting her as such. In fact, there are even rumors that it is actually Tom Tugendhat who is the preferred "King Slayer," with a dozen colleagues allegedly in on the plan. Now that's a lacrosse team, not a Cabinet in waiting!
And speaking of lacrosse, it's no coincidence that it's the favored sport of Regina George herself. Maybe political plotting should be considered for the Olympics, given its small but fierce teams and ability to attract media attention. But all jokes aside, I have to wonder - do my colleagues really think it's a good idea to topple Rishi Sunak at this stage in the game?
Despite the whispers and speculation, there is no talk of regicide in the halls of Parliament. The only letters being discussed are ones about targeted leaflets for the upcoming election. Meanwhile, Penny Mordaunt is simply doing her job and getting on with it, but of course, she's being accused of being on the move. It's amazing how quickly things can get twisted in the tea room.
And let's not forget the wild conspiracy theories, like the one that suggests Penny sees this as her last chance to become Prime Minister before potentially losing her seat in Portsmouth. I mean, who in their right mind would want to be Prime Minister for only six months? Absolutely no one.
But I can assure you, Penny Mordaunt is as level-headed and hardworking as they come. The SNP may not appreciate her weekly social media clips poking fun at them, and her opposite number Lucy Powell may have felt uncomfortable during her takedown of the Labour Party, but at the end of the day, it's only the envious who have anything negative to say about her.
If there is any plotting going on, it's coming from the jealous few who can't stand to see someone else in the spotlight. And even then, there is no solid evidence of a coordinated effort to overthrow the Prime Minister. It's most likely just a bunch of unruly schoolchildren playing at politics, unaware that they're actually hurting their own party in the long run.
In the end, Regina George herself would be ashamed of their behavior. As for me, I'll stick to focusing on my own work and staying out of the tea room drama. After all, there are more important things to worry about in Parliament than rumors and gossip. But hey, that's just my two cents. What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
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