December 8th 2024.
We need to have a conversation about just how wild The Family Stone is. If you're into unconventional family dynamics, a poorly executed exploration of homophobia, watching Sarah Jessica Parker get tipsy off of one beer, and feeling like you've entered an alternate reality with its own set of rules, then this movie might be right up your alley.
I remember the first time I sat down to watch this Christmas comedy back in 2005. I couldn't believe I had never seen it before. With a star-studded cast including Diane Keaton, Sarah Jessica Parker, Rachel McAdams, Dermot Mulroney, Claire Danes, and Luke Wilson, it seemed like it would be a holiday classic. The premise was simple enough: SJP's character, an ambitious career woman, reluctantly agrees to spend the holidays with her boyfriend's family. But she soon finds out that his family is like something out of a sitcom, complete with traditions and a rude younger sister who she just can't seem to connect with.
To say that her behavior is awkward would be an understatement. It's more like pushing someone onto the subway tracks - just not very nice. And then there's Luke Wilson, who plays the creepy brother dressed like a teenage boy for some unknown reason. As SJP tries to distance herself from her bubbly Carrie Bradshaw image and come off as a more introverted city dweller, she creates a character that is so unsettling that I couldn't help but wonder if the movie would end in a twist with the entire family being wiped out.
But that's not even the half of it. Diane Keaton, who plays the overwhelmed and easily offended mother of SJP's boyfriend, and Rachel McAdams, who plays a strangely childlike sister, seem to have some sort of blood feud with SJP that is never fully explained. They just seem to think her vibe is off. And when her sister finally arrives, it's like the second coming of Jesus, with everyone treating her like a saint for no apparent reason.
Oh, and did I mention that they all dress like they're from different eras? As one Redditor put it, "Every single decision made by all the characters is just bizarre. Nobody behaves rationally and the 'happy' ending that involves basically a partner swap with her sister is just the cherry on top."
Yes, you read that right. The movie ends with SJP's creepy boyfriend's brother ending up with her while her boyfriend ends up with her sister. And they all have a jolly Christmas together as one big happy family. Wait, what?
But the real kicker is the dinner scene. Diane Keaton randomly declares that she wishes all of her children were gay, causing SJP to question why she would wish discrimination upon her own kids. And the family reacts as if SJP has just made some kind of shocking, offensive statement. It's like they don't even understand basic human interaction. And the token gay brother, who serves no real purpose in the film except to check off a diversity box, is the most outraged of them all.
To put it simply, this movie is a disaster. It's like an AI bot watched 20 Christmas movies and then wrote a script based on its limited understanding of human behavior. So why should you watch it, you ask? Well, for my family, it has become a beloved holiday tradition. Not because it's a great movie, but because it unites us in our shared disbelief and amusement at just how terrible it is. It's hard to argue or get annoyed with your family when you're all laughing at the sheer ridiculousness of the plot.
So this holiday season, when you find yourself bickering with your family, suggest watching The Family Stone. It's a bonding experience like no other. And who knows, you might even enjoy it in all its terrible glory. After all, we've all got a story to tell. And this movie is definitely one for the books.
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