September 9th 2023.
When you enter a new relationship with someone who has children, it can be a challenging experience. You not only have to adjust to your new partner, but also to their children and the dynamics of the existing family. This week, we hear from a reader who is struggling with his wife's adult son who he finds to be 'lazy and selfish.' He has given her an ultimatum - either the son moves out or he does.
It must have been a difficult decision to make, and it can be hard to know what to do in a situation like this. But before you decide to leave your marriage, think about how long you have waited to find love and if you are willing to give it up so soon.
Rather than try to exert control over his stepson, he should try to gain his friendship and respect. Taking him out for a drink and having a non-judgemental conversation with him is a good place to start. The boy may be scared of the responsibilities of growing up, so it can be helpful to point him in the right direction and encourage him to look online for ways to get that first job.
It is also important to remember that his wife and son had a relationship before you came into the picture. She may be spoiling him without realising that it is encouraging him to be selfish, so it is important to discuss this with her in a non-confrontational way. Explain to her how the current set-up is affecting your marriage - move back into the bedroom and put effort into your relationship, as sulking in the spare room will not help.
At the end of the day, it is possible to work through this problem if both parties are willing to put in effort and communicate openly. Remember that his stepson will eventually leave home and it is worth considering if you are willing to give up on your marriage so soon.
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