August 11th 2024.
I remember feeling so many emotions all at once - embarrassed, disgusted, and annoyed. It was a work event, and I had just been sexually harassed. I couldn't believe it was happening to me. I mean, isn't it common knowledge that no means no? But in that moment, I realized that not everyone understands that concept. And even worse, when I spoke up about it to my colleagues, they just laughed it off.
It was back in the early 2010s when I was working at a charity fundraiser in London. We were hosting a high-end raffle, with tickets selling for £50 each or £200 for a book. As part of the job, we were expected to tolerate a certain level of behavior from the charity's "high value donors" and high-profile supporters. In fact, before the event even started, one of the charity's fundraising managers told me to drink half a bottle of wine and flirt with the attendees to get them to buy raffle tickets.
As the night went on, a drunk man who had bought raffle tickets approached me. He slurred a hello, and I politely responded. But then, out of nowhere, he groped me. I was taken aback and felt a mix of embarrassment, disgust, and anger. I was also insulted - I would never flirt in such an unattractive and non-consensual way, especially not with someone as grotesque as him. I immediately pushed him away and firmly told him, "Not in a million years."
But that wasn't the end of it. Throughout the night, he continued to stare and leer at me, making me feel uncomfortable and creeped out. I found myself constantly trying to avoid him. And unfortunately, this wasn't the first time something like this had happened to me.
In the mid-2010s, I was talking to a major charity donor when he suddenly grabbed and twisted my arm, causing me pain. I pushed him away discreetly, not wanting to cause a scene at a work event. But he came back later, even more intoxicated, and tried to "whisper" something in my ear while groping me again. It was both painful and disgusting, and I couldn't understand why he thought this was an appropriate way to behave.
I finally had enough when he aggressively groped me for a third time and even tried to kiss me. I pushed him away forcefully and spilled his drink on him. But instead of apologizing, he just drunkenly made an "ooooh" sound and approached me again. I was humiliated and felt like I wanted to knock him out, but I also knew that would look bad at a work event. I told a colleague about what had happened, but they just laughed it off, which left me feeling disappointed.
It's ridiculous that I even had to explain this, but groping is never okay. It is a form of sexual assault, and it should not be tolerated. And yet, it seems like it's still a common occurrence, with a 2021 study showing that about half of men have experienced unwanted or non-consensual sexual behavior. I rarely hear stories like mine in the media, and that's why I have been hesitant to share my own experience until now. I didn't want to take away from the important #MeToo movement that gave space for women to share their stories of sexual harassment.
If you have been a victim of sexual violence, there are resources available to you. Survivors UK offers support for men and non-binary individuals, and you can also seek help from Rape Crisis if you are over 16. It's also important to note that while my experiences were not on the same level as the sexual harassment that women face from men, they are still not acceptable. We need to recognize and address the power dynamics that contribute to this behavior and create a safe and respectful work environment for everyone.
Being gay does not give anyone the right to sexually harass another person. And while gay venues may have different rules of etiquette, no still means no. We should be able to feel safe at work and not have to fear unwanted advances or inappropriate behavior. Organizations need to be trained on how to handle and prevent unwanted groping, regardless of gender. We all deserve to feel safe and respected in our workplaces. If you have a story to share, please reach out and let's continue the conversation.
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