Short-term break ups can be more painful than long-term ones due to the expectations that may have been built up.

Breakups are never easy, but sometimes the end of a short-term relationship can be particularly painful. A therapist has shared four reasons why a situationship breakup may feel more painful than the end of a long-term relationship.

Stina Sanders shared her thoughts on TikTok, stating that one reason is cognitive dissonance. This is when your beliefs don’t align with your actions, and in a short-term relationship the dissonance is the initial optimism to the reality of the quick-ending breakup. Essentially, your brain still believes that your feelings about your situationship being The One are real, which is why it’s so uncomfortable to have to accept that you’re wrong.

Another reason why breakups from a short-term fling hurt more than a long-term relationship is because these relationships are often much more intense. This is because we’re still in the honeymoon period, which is why when a short-term relationship ends we get left with this sense of unfinished business or feelings of “what if?” and curiosity of what might have been.

On top of that, when a short-term relationship ends, we often don’t get the same closure as we would in a longer relationship. This leaves us with unanswered questions and a sense of ambiguity.

Stina noted that there’s also a societal pressure to treat short-term relationships and situationships as less serious than long-term relationships. This can invalidate our real, strong feelings of pain and emotions about the relationship, which leads to intense feelings of loneliness.

Stina shared three tips for getting over a heartbreak. They included going no contact – including no social media stalking and deleting old photos and videos of them off your phone. This is because visual reminders create dopamine surges which lead to feelings of craving and withdrawal, prolonging the heartbreak.

She also suggests using ‘replacement therapy’ to get the dopamine and oxytocin you would have gotten from your ex from healthier places, including exercise, hobbies, friends or even dating apps. Finally, she suggests writing your ex a letter without actually sending it to them, and then write up your own version of their response. This can be cathartic and might even give you the closure that you need.

Breakups are never easy, but recognizing the reasons why a situationship breakup may be particularly painful can help you to better cope with the emotions you’re feeling.

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