June 29th 2024.
Growing up, I struggled with my sexuality. It was a constant internal battle between my heart and my mind. I denied my true feelings and tried to conform to societal norms, thinking that was the only option for me. I didn't have any role models or representation that I could relate to, so I convinced myself that I must be like everyone else - a girl looking to marry a boy.
But as I entered my twenties, I met a man and we got married. It seemed like the perfect fairytale, but deep down I knew it wasn't. As time went on, we drifted apart and I started to experience feelings of depression and anxiety. I stopped doing things I loved and felt lost. It was then that I realized I couldn't continue living a lie.
One morning in March 2020, I woke up and felt overwhelmed by a dark cloud. I knew I needed help and searched for emergency counseling services. The Samaritans helpline kept coming up, but I was hesitant to reach out. I didn't think they could understand or help me. But I was desperate and ended up at a Samaritans branch.
Walking through the door, I immediately felt a sense of comfort. The volunteer I spoke with provided me with a safe space to open up and express my true feelings. For the first time, I said out loud that I thought I was gay. The volunteer listened and reassured me that it was okay to be who I am. It was a validating and life-changing experience.
With the volunteer's support, I was able to acknowledge my true identity and make the difficult decision to leave my marriage. It was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I finally felt free to live my life authentically. Coming out to my family and friends was met with love and support, and I couldn't be happier with where I am now.
Last year, I attended my first Pride parade and it was an emotional experience. I walked hand in hand with my wife, surrounded by love and acceptance from strangers and Samaritans volunteers. I am grateful for the volunteer who helped me that day and have since written them a letter to express my gratitude.
I want others to know that it's okay to seek help and talk about your struggles. Samaritans provides a non-judgmental and safe space to open up and be heard. It's never too late to live your truth and I am proof that things can get better. My future is now full of excitement and possibilities, and I can't wait to see what's in store for me.
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