March 22nd 2024.
I couldn't believe my eyes as I read the text from one of my fellow bridesmaids. She was asking me to pay her the money I owed her. At first, I thought it was a reasonable request, but then I saw the amount - a whopping £3.75. I mean, come on, that's less than a meal deal at Tesco!
As a bridesmaid, I had already spent a lot of time and effort planning for the bride's hen weekend. I had already spent more than the other hens, so I thought I was lucky to only owe £3.75. But apparently, that was enough to cause some drama. It's no surprise, really. This particular bridesmaid had been causing headaches for the entire bride squad for almost a year now. She was what we called a "bridesmaid-zilla."
Now, don't confuse a bridesmaid-zilla with a bride-zilla. A bride-zilla is someone who becomes demanding and unreasonable during the wedding planning process. On the other hand, a bridesmaid-zilla is someone who becomes difficult and demanding in the lead-up to the wedding. Some common behaviors of a bridesmaid-zilla include seeking attention, disagreeing with everything, and taking over the planning of the hen-do. It's enough to give any bride-to-be nightmares.
I'll admit, I have a tendency to be a bit of a control freak and a perfectionist. It's a running joke among my friends. But when it came to planning my friend's hen-do, I didn't want to take over and make anyone feel left out. However, my good intentions didn't last long. I ended up taking on the majority of the tasks - designing a treasure hunt, ordering decorations, and making sure everything ran smoothly. It may have looked like I was trying to control everything, but all I wanted was to give my friend the perfect hen-do.
I was aware that my behavior could rub some people the wrong way, so I made sure to check in with the other bridesmaids and the bride regularly to make sure I wasn't overstepping. Thankfully, I wasn't. But it's easy to fall into the trap of becoming a bridesmaid-zilla. Just a few years ago, I watched as a family friend was continually upstaged by her own bridesmaid-zilla. She insisted on wearing a different dress and even gave an unsolicited speech during the reception. It was cringeworthy, to say the least.
But this behavior isn't limited to just one person. According to behavior specialist Fenella Hemus, weddings can bring up unresolved issues and lead to sabotaging behaviors like trying to control everything and what people wear. However, it's not just the bride's responsibility to handle this. Bridesmaids also need to recognize their own triggers and underlying issues. In the end, it's the bride's day, and she has every right to uninvite a bridesmaid if necessary. In fact, a friend of mine is choosing not to have any bridesmaids at all because of one person who would cause nothing but trouble.
Unfortunately, the cost of attending a friend's wedding can lead to stress and tension, especially for bridesmaids. From dresses to travel expenses, it all adds up. And that's why the whole issue of money can be a sore spot for many. I, for one, was feeling the pinch when my friend asked me to transfer her the £3.75 I owed her. But it wasn't the first time money had caused issues. Throughout the planning process, she had complained about the cost and made comments about how the bride should be paying for everything. This caused a strain in their friendship.
Weddings are not cheap, and the average cost is around £24,710. So it's understandable that bridesmaids may feel the financial strain. But there are ways to discuss money without causing trouble. It's important to communicate with the bride and bow out of activities if you can't afford them. And if anyone understands the financial burden, it's the person paying for the entire wedding.
Bridesmaid-zillas are real, and they live among us. But let's not forget that they are not bad people. They just get caught up in the excitement or are dealing with their own issues. The best way to handle them is through communication. Let's not shy away from awkward conversations, let go of our egos, and definitely not argue over a measly £3.75. If we all do that, we can survive wedding season without any drama.
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