October 24th 2024.
Have you ever heard of the term "stealthing"? Until recently, I hadn't either. It refers to the non-consensual removal of a condom during sexual intercourse. Let me tell you about my experience with it.
It all started after a quick session of lovemaking with my boyfriend. I was always self-conscious about my body, so I wasted no time in getting dressed afterwards. As I bent down to grab my top, I noticed something in the trash bin - a used condom. In that moment, it felt like I was watching myself from the outside. Questions flooded my mind - had he removed it without my knowledge? How could he have done it without me noticing?
I was paralyzed with fear and confusion. I couldn't bring myself to confront him because I knew it would lead to another argument about my supposed "trust issues". So, I locked myself in the bathroom and searched for a pharmacy that offered free emergency contraception. I deleted my browsing history and flushed the toilet, just to be safe. That was the end of it, or so I thought.
It wasn't until later that I learned about the term "stealthing" and its legal implications. In England and Wales, it is considered rape. Shockingly, a recent study found that one in ten people between the ages of 18 and 25 either don't know or don't believe that stealthing is a crime.
My boyfriend and I met through mutual friends when I was only 17. He was 25, with a charming personality and captivating blue eyes. We flirted for months before finally meeting at a party. It felt like a natural progression when we started dating that night.
Things moved quickly, and he told me he loved me less than a month into our relationship. I was hesitant, but eventually, I grew comfortable around him. That's when things started to get rough in the bedroom. He would ignore my protests and even initiate unwanted sexual acts. I never told anyone about it because I thought it was normal - something I had read about in magazines as a teenager.
But that wasn't the only boundary he crossed. He started physically hurting me, brushing it off as "playful". I would be left with bruises and welts, and when I tried to talk to him about it, he would shut me out.
It wasn't until we broke up that I found the courage to ask him about the condom incident. He admitted to removing it multiple times without my knowledge. I felt sick and betrayed. It was then that I came across the term "stealthing" and realized that what had happened to me was a form of sexual assault.
The whole experience was toxic, and I was grateful that I had the strength to end it. I learned that according to the Sexual Offences Act 2003, someone does not consent if the other person lies about using a condom or removes it without their permission.
I was fortunate enough to stumble upon a forum where a young woman shared a similar experience and was seeking help to determine if she had been raped. That's when I did more research and found out that "stealthing" is a common and dangerous practice that can lead to unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections.
It's important to educate ourselves and others about this issue. Rape Crisis defines stealthing as "when people agree to have sex with a condom and then someone either lies about putting a condom on or removes it without the other person's permission." We must speak out against this violation of consent and hold perpetrators accountable.
Have you ever heard of the term "stealthing"? It's a term used to describe the non-consensual removal of a condom during sexual intercourse. I never knew about it until I experienced it firsthand with my boyfriend. It all happened so quickly, without any warning or indication. We had just finished having sex, a quick and simple encounter, as usual. I was always self-conscious about my body, so I wasted no time in putting my clothes back on. As I reached for my top, I noticed something in the bin - a used condom. It felt like I was watching the scene unfold from outside my own body. Questions flooded my mind - did he remove it without my knowledge? How could he have done that without me noticing? I was filled with unease and uncertainty. But I couldn't bring myself to say anything. I just froze, unable to process what had just happened.
My boyfriend kissed my shoulder, got dressed, and headed to the bathroom while I was still in shock. I knew that if I questioned him or showed any doubt, it would lead to another argument about my trust issues. So I kept quiet and pretended everything was fine. But deep down, I was terrified. I didn't want to risk anything, so I secretly searched for a pharmacy that offered free emergency contraception. I even deleted my browsing history, just in case. And that was the end of it. I went home the next day, as planned, and got my pill from a local pharmacy.
It wasn't until later that I learned the true gravity of what had happened. The non-consensual removal of a condom is considered rape in England and Wales. It's a crime called "stealthing". Shockingly, a recent study found that many people aged 18 to 25 are unaware or don't believe that removing a condom without the other person's consent is a crime.
My boyfriend and I met through mutual friends online when I was only 17. He was 25 and seemed perfect - funny, with a deep voice, dark curly hair, and blue eyes. We flirted for months before finally meeting at a party. And that's when everything changed. He was just as funny in person, and things felt natural between us. We ended up having sex that night, and he asked me to be his girlfriend the next day. Things moved quickly, and he told me he loved me within a month. It made me uneasy, but I eventually felt comfortable with him.
But our relationship took a dark turn when our sexual encounters became rougher. He would ignore my pleas for air during oral sex and even initiated anal sex without my consent. I never told anyone about these incidents, or the one with the discarded condom, because I thought it was normal. I had read about experimenting with different sexual acts in magazines as a teenager.
But my boyfriend crossed other boundaries as well. He would physically hurt me, claiming it was just playful. But it wasn't. He would bite me or pinch me hard, leaving bruises for weeks. Whenever I tried to talk to him about his behavior, he would either ignore me or end our relationship, saying it wasn't fair for me to bring it up. It wasn't until we broke up that I realized how toxic he was.
I finally learned about stealthing when I stumbled upon a forum post by a young woman who was unsure if she had been raped. Her story was similar to mine, and the term "stealthing" kept coming up. I did some research and found out that Rape Crisis defines stealthing as "when people agree to have sex with a condom and then someone either lies about putting a condom on or removes it without the other person's permission."
It was only after our breakup that I gathered the courage to ask my ex-boyfriend if he had removed the condom during our last sexual encounter. And to my horror, he admitted that he had done it multiple times before. I was sickened and felt betrayed by the person who was supposed to love me. It took me a while to come to terms with what had happened and to realize that I had been a victim of stealthing.
But I also learned that I wasn't alone. Many other people have experienced this violation and didn't even know it was a crime. It's important for everyone to be aware of the gravity of stealthing and to understand that it is not consensual. It's a violation of trust and, in some cases, a form of rape. We need to educate ourselves and others on the importance of consent and respecting boundaries in any sexual encounter. And for those who have experienced stealthing, there is support available. Victim Support offers help to survivors of rape and sexual abuse. We need to speak up and raise awareness about this issue to prevent it from happening to others.
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