May 3rd 2024.
On most weekends, my best friend Jessica and I would spend our time together either watching films or attending yoga classes. One Saturday, while we were relaxing on the couch, I received a text from her. I initially thought it was just to thank me for the flowers I had sent her and to catch up after not talking for two months. Little did I know, those messages would end our friendship. In eight essay-length texts, she listed all the reasons why she no longer wanted to be friends with me. I was shocked and heartbroken.
Jessica and I met in 2017 at a mutual acquaintance's party and we instantly clicked. She was outgoing and spontaneous, while I was more reserved, but we had so much in common. We both loved the outdoors and yoga. There was never a dull moment with her, always an adventure or a new story to be made. However, there were moments when she pushed things a little too far.
One incident that stands out to me was when she dragged me to a bar where her ex-boyfriend would be. I wasn't thrilled about it, especially when I got stuck making small talk with his best friend. Jessica asked if I had feelings for him and I sternly replied no. But that didn't stop her from giving him my number. It was annoying, but I didn't make a big deal out of it.
Even though we had only known each other for three months, we decided to go on an all-inclusive holiday to Greece to soak up the last bit of summer sun. However, the trip didn't go as planned. One night, she left me in the middle of dinner to call her new boyfriend. I waited for hours for her to come back, but she never did. I eventually found her at a bar, completely unaware of the situation and the fact that I had been searching for her. She never apologized and we never spoke about it again.
Despite the bumps and disagreements, we were inseparable for the next two years. We would spend our weekends watching movies or taking yoga classes together, and we always made a big deal out of birthdays and holidays. But there were times when I felt like she wasn't completely honest with me, especially when it came to her relationship and extravagant spending habits. However, we stuck together through it all.
Everything changed when I got engaged. Jessica openly admitted that she was jealous because she had been with her partner longer. She even gave him an ultimatum to propose by the end of the year or their relationship would be over. By November, she was engaged too. You would think that two best friends being engaged at the same time would be exciting, but it turned into a bit of a competition.
She copied everything from my wedding, from the style and color of my bridesmaid dresses to the flower arrangements. On the day of my wedding, she even tried to take over and make it all about her. I was embarrassed, but I didn't want to let it ruin my special day, so I kept quiet. I thought she would understand when it was her turn to get married.
However, when her wedding was delayed due to Covid restrictions, she blamed me. She constantly complained about how unfair it was that my husband and I were able to get married in "normal circumstances." I felt guilty and tried to help her as much as I could. When weddings were limited to only a few guests, I even gave up my spot so her mom could attend.
A few months later, I shared with her that I had a chemical pregnancy. I expected her to be supportive and grieve with me. Instead, she dismissed it and said it didn't really count as a baby. Her words and lack of empathy hurt me deeply. But just a month later, she came to my house uninvited to announce that she was pregnant. I tried to be happy for her, but I couldn't help but feel sad and reminded of my own loss. According to her, my reaction wasn't good enough because I talked about "my s**t" after congratulating her.
At that point, I knew I needed to set boundaries. I told her that maybe we weren't the best people to support each other at this time. However, she didn't take it well and guilt-tripped me into daily texts and constant calls. Throughout her pregnancy, I put her needs above my own and listened to her talk about every ultrasound in detail. It hurt, but I never spoke up because I didn't want to lose her.
Strangely, when she started to distance herself from me, I felt relieved. I was less stressed and anxious all the time. But at the same time, I missed her terribly. That's why I sent her flowers, to let her know that I was still thinking of her even though we needed some time apart. I never expected her to admit to ghosting me and list all the reasons why she thought I was a bad friend.
In my reply, I congratulated her on her pregnancy again, apologized for any hurt I may have caused, and thanked her for our time together. I also gave her 24 hours to respond, hoping we could move past this. But she never did. And just like that, our friendship was over.
For a long time, I was devastated. My confidence was shattered, and I struggled to make new friends because I didn't want to get hurt again. However, when I found out I was pregnant with my son, my first instinct was to text Jessica. It took a lot of effort to remind myself that our friendship was over.
But eventually, I made new friends who showed me what a healthy and supportive friendship looked like. Looking back, I can see that my friendship with Jessica was toxic, and I'm grateful that she's no longer in my life. People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Jessica was only in my life for a short time, and that's okay.
*Names have been changed.
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