July 19th 2024.
As my friend leaned in to give my precious newborn a kiss, a wave of fear washed over me. I couldn't help but feel a paralyzing terror as her lips touched his forehead. It was a perfectly innocent act, one that I may have even done myself before becoming a mother. But now, with my son only three weeks old, I couldn't shake off my concerns about his underdeveloped immune system.
In the past eleven months since my little boy was born, I've questioned whether I ever kissed other people's babies when meeting them for the first time. I can't seem to recall, which leads me to believe that it's not something people put much thought into, or intend any harm by. But as I've come to realize, they absolutely should.
Babies are especially vulnerable in their first few months of life, with their immune systems still developing. What may seem like a simple cold to us can pose a serious threat to their health. So when my friend kissed my son, I couldn't help but feel a surge of fear. This seemingly innocent gesture could potentially make him seriously ill or even result in his death.
I know it may sound excessive, but my son was only 21 days old and I was terrified of him being exposed to other people's germs. Their tiny bodies can be easily affected, and as a new mother, I couldn't help but be hypersensitive to the idea of him getting sick from the unwanted adult germs around him.
In the beginning, I must admit that my fear may have been a bit extreme. I remember being on edge whenever someone held my son, constantly watching for any kisses or touches from potentially unclean hands. This worry even led me to avoid certain social gatherings, afraid of being seen as rude or neurotic.
But when you consider that my son was born during the peak of cold and flu season, after a pandemic no less, and add in my own struggles with health anxiety, my concerns may start to make more sense. And while some may argue that my fears are unfounded, official advice from sources like the NHS and the Lullaby Trust states that kissing new babies should be avoided at all costs.
It's not hard to understand why. The human mouth is known for harboring diseases and is, quite frankly, a rather disgusting place. According to studies, a 10-second kiss can transfer up to 80 million bacteria. Just imagine how terrible you would feel if a tiny, vulnerable human ended up in the hospital because of a careless kiss.
While these bacteria may not be harmful to an adult with a fully developed immune system, they can wreak havoc on a baby's delicate system. And it's not just colds and viruses that we need to worry about. The other obvious danger of kissing is cold sores, which can be deadly for babies. Even if you don't have an active sore, you can still be contagious for up to two days before symptoms appear. This is also true for many other illnesses, as they can be infectious well before any symptoms show.
Unfortunately, I have a friend who experienced the devastating effects of this firsthand. Her cousin kissed her one-month-old baby on the lips, not realizing they were carrying a viral infection. While the cousin only had a couple of days off work before recovering, my friend's baby ended up in the hospital for over a week, on an IV drip. Thankfully, her daughter made a full recovery, but it was a terrifying experience for everyone involved.
Some may argue that setting strict boundaries with visitors is the solution. I've noticed a growing trend of parents sending out a list of rules to visitors in the early days of postpartum. While I understand the reasoning behind it, I personally chose not to do this. Instead, I gently let my closest family members know that I wasn't comfortable with kisses. However, I found it more challenging to do the same with others, as it can feel awkward and joyless to ask people not to kiss a baby.
But I'm not alone in struggling with this. A recent survey from The Lullaby Trust highlighted the risks of kissing and holding new babies, yet found that 63% of parents would feel uneasy asking visitors not to touch their baby, for fear of offending someone or being labeled as overprotective. While some may argue that setting hard and fast boundaries is the answer, it's not always that simple.
As a parent, it's essential to advocate for your tiny baby and their equally tiny immune system, even if it feels awkward or uncomfortable. I know that as a natural worrier, I hoped that visitors would use their judgment and avoid kissing my son. And for the most part, they did. But there were a few instances where I had to specifically ask people not to kiss him, often making a lighthearted comment about being a "paranoid new mom" to ease the tension. Luckily, no one has ever objected to my request, at least not to my face.
And they shouldn't. It's our responsibility as parents to protect our children from potential harm, no matter how awkward it may feel. Yes, exposure to germs can be beneficial for babies, but it's up to each parent to decide what they're comfortable with. And none of us are limiting kissing to prevent people from bonding with our child; it's simply a way to keep them safe.
If you're unsure about what's acceptable, it's always best to ask. My son is now 11 months old, and I still panic if someone kisses him on the face. But I've become more comfortable with people holding him. When in doubt, it's worth following the Lullaby Trust's guidelines of washing hands, not visiting when sick, and avoiding kisses.
And to any new parents out there questioning themselves or feeling guilty for asking people to respect their boundaries, don't. You are simply doing what you believe is best for your child. And not setting boundaries can have potentially life-threatening consequences. So don't hesitate to speak up and advocate for your little one, no matter how awkward it may feel.
This article was first published on Nov 19, 2023. If you have a story you'd like to share, don't hesitate to reach out. And be sure to share your thoughts in the comments below.
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