November 24th 2024.
I used to have a lot of hair on my body, and I would always try to get rid of it... everywhere. One day, my friend Julia noticed that I hadn't shaved my legs and exclaimed, "Sharan, what the hell?!" Her reaction was so dramatic that everyone in the salon turned to look at my bare legs, causing me to turn bright red with embarrassment.
As I tried to discreetly pull down my trousers, the pedicurist also noticed and her eyes widened in surprise. It was clear that everyone was in shock, but for different reasons. I was used to men being disgusted by my body hair, but this time it was coming from my friend, a woman. And that made it even more hurtful.
During lockdown, I made the decision to stop shaving. As a woman with thick, black hair, it was a constant battle to keep up with the never-ending regrowth after each shave. But it wasn't just my legs and armpits that I struggled with, I had hair everywhere. When I was younger, I hated it and felt like there was something wrong with me. But as I grew older, I learned to love my hair and began to go longer periods without shaving.
But it was during lockdown when I realized that I didn't need to conform to society's beauty standards. I was tired of men constantly commenting on how women should look and expecting us to fit their narrow definition of beauty. My hair was too thick, too frequent, and too plentiful for their standards and I was tired of trying to live up to them.
So I decided to grow out my body hair as a way to rebel against the male gaze. Of course, not everyone understood my decision. Men would leave rude comments on my social media, using emojis of throwing up or razors, or making unsolicited sexual comments. But their negativity only fueled my determination to live my life on my own terms.
I had hoped that women would understand my decision, so I was taken aback when my friend Julia reacted so strongly to my hairy legs. We had gone to get pedicures together and I hadn't even thought about my leg hair until she called attention to it. Her reaction made me feel ashamed and self-conscious, but I also realized that she was feeling shame as well.
Julia had been conditioned to believe that women needed to look a certain way to be accepted. My decision to embrace my body hair challenged that belief and she didn't know how to react. But as we laughed and joked about it, I could see the guilt on her face. I knew she didn't mean to hurt me and I took the opportunity to talk to her about it.
As we walked to the bus stop together, I told Julia that she was beautiful just the way she was, with or without body hair. I wanted her to know that society's beauty standards were not the only ones that mattered. I shared with her my own journey of learning to love my body hair and how freeing it was to live my life without constantly worrying about what others thought.
I also reminded her that men's opinions were not as important as society had led us to believe. I had spent my whole life being hairy and whether I chose to remove it or not, I was living my best life. Julia may continue to remove her body hair, but I hoped that in the future, her reaction to seeing my hair would be one of solidarity instead of shame.
At the end of our conversation, I made sure to tell Julia that her reaction was not okay, but I wasn't angry at her. She had been conditioned to believe that my body hair was something to be mocked, but now she was on the path to unlearning those toxic beliefs. And that was all I could ask for.
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