April 27th 2024.
It's common for couples to have their own hobbies and interests in a healthy relationship. However, one reader has reached out to us because her boyfriend's love for sports is causing him to neglect their relationship. Despite being in a committed relationship, he prioritizes his favorite pastime over spending quality time with her and their sex life has taken a hit because of it. Before we dive into the advice, don't forget to check out our previous dilemma from a pregnant woman who was ghosted by her baby's father.
The issue at hand may seem trivial, but it's really taking a toll on the reader. She believes that her boyfriend loves sports more than her and it's impacting every aspect of their lives, including their intimacy. Name any sport and he's obsessed with it. Even when the football season ends, there's always another sport for him to focus on. From rugby to cycling and even American sports like NFL and baseball, he can't get enough. He even stays up late to watch games, even when he has work the next day.
When he's not watching sports, he's playing them. He often cancels plans with her to hang out with his friends for a match, prioritizing their happiness over hers. They rarely do anything together, whether it's going to the pub or watching a movie. The reader has tried talking to him about it, but he brushes it off and tells her she's being unreasonable. He believes that his dedication to sports and his healthy hobbies make him a great boyfriend, ignoring the fact that their relationship is suffering.
Their sex life has also taken a hit, with the reader lucky to have it once a month. She's usually asleep by the time he gets to bed due to his late-night sports watching. She's fed up with the situation and wants advice on how to handle it.
Our advice is that there's usually a deeper issue behind someone's obsession with a hobby or activity, and it's often a fear of intimacy. Perhaps he grew up in a household where affection was not shown, or his own father was not involved in family activities. This has led to him not understanding what a real relationship should be like. It's possible that he's uncomfortable with being close to someone all the time, but it begs the question of why the reader moved in with him in the first place. Did she ignore the warning signs or was she desperate for a committed relationship and settled for less?
Hoping for a change in his behavior won't work until the root of the problem is addressed. He needs to understand that his actions are jeopardizing their relationship and the reader should not accept his gaslighting behavior. She should express how hurt she feels and ask him to compromise. This doesn't mean he has to give up his love for sports, but he should make time for her as well.
In the meantime, the reader should also focus on her own hobbies and activities, creating a life outside of her relationship. This may help her realize that she deserves better and may lead her to move on. She shouldn't let her boyfriend take her love for granted. It's important for him to understand that she won't always be there waiting for him and if he wants to avoid a lonely future, he needs to reassess his priorities.
Laura, a counselor and columnist, provides this advice. If you have a sex and dating dilemma, send it to Laura for expert advice. And if you have a story to share, please reach out via email.
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