July 24th 2023.
A mum sparked a heated debate on Mumsnet when she suggested that grandparents have a moral obligation to provide childcare. The woman shared her story on the site, writing: “I have a young dear child and no childcare issues aside from the horrendous cost. My parents, like many others I know, enjoy being with dc but it’s pretty much always on their terms. They would take them for a day but it wouldn’t be consistent or reliable so couldn’t make it a regular thing. I’m not sure how I feel about this and on balance I think it’s pretty morally dire.”
The post prompted nearly 1,000 replies and divided the internet. Some said the grandparents aren't obligated to offer childcare, while others sided with the mum. The woman clarified that she can afford to pay for childcare and isn't in desperate need of support, but she added: “I do think I would step up and do some childcare for my dc if they had children. I can’t imagine just letting the days roll by leisurely and not setting aside even one day a week to be a reliable help. I know in other cultures this is standard and families pull together much more. Am I being unreasonable to think there is actually a moral obligation here, to make some form of childcare contribution, however small?”
The responses were mixed. One commenter argued that the woman was being "incredibly entitled and selfish" since her parents had already done their parenting duties and raising her. Others said while they agreed the mum deserved help, they don't think the grandparents are obligated to provide it. One user wrote: “Grandparents are an important aspect in a child’s life but that should be at their choosing of how involved they are.”
Yet, some were sympathetic to the mum's situation. One user said: “It would be nice if they all found a middle ground. But I think that morally, that has a lot to do with culture and personalities involved.” Another added: “In practice I would not feel able to look at my struggling daughter, one day, and tell her that I won’t be part of the village that helps to raise her child because I’d like to get my nails done.”
So, is the mum being unreasonable or are the grandparents morally obligated to provide childcare? It seems the debate is still ongoing.
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