October 24th 2024.
As I slowly open my eyes, I can feel the softness of the clean, crisp white sheets against my skin. Taking a moment to stretch and savor the peacefulness of a new day, I am filled with a sense of rejuvenation. Eight hours of uninterrupted sleep have left me feeling completely refreshed. And the best part of my morning routine? Knowing that my loving husband, Kevin, will soon bring me a steaming cup of tea in bed.
You may be thinking that I am staying in a luxurious hotel, ready to call room service. Or perhaps I am on a business trip or enjoying a solo vacation? But the truth is, I am right at home, in my own bed. And my dear husband, who has also had a restful night's sleep in the bedroom across the hall, will be the one to bring me my morning tea. Yes, we are one of those couples who choose to sleep in separate bedrooms. But before you make any assumptions, let me assure you that our marriage is strong and we are incredibly happy.
And we are not alone in our sleeping arrangements. According to the National Bed Federation, the number of couples who choose to sleep separately, also known as "sleep divorce," is on the rise. In fact, in 2020, nearly one in six couples were sleeping in separate beds, with 89% of them doing so in separate bedrooms.
Now, you may be wondering how Kevin and I came to this decision. When we first met in 2002, we were both divorced and had grown accustomed to having our own space, especially when it came to our sleeping habits. Despite being madly in love and having a fulfilling sex life, we realized that we were not compatible when it came to getting a good night's sleep. Kevin's snoring and tendency to get too hot, combined with my restless sleeping and tendency to push him out of bed, left us both exhausted and irritable in the mornings.
It was a sad day when Kevin had to resort to sleeping on the sofa with our dog, while I stayed in our bed. But we were both too old to conform to society's expectations of a couple who always slept spooning. And there were no hard feelings, as we both felt the same way.
When we got married in 2006, we honeymooned in a campervan along the stunning Gower coastline. It was a beautiful location, but our sleeping arrangements were an absolute nightmare. By the third day, Kevin was sleeping in the campervan in the hotel's parking lot while I stayed in the hotel. It was clear that we needed separate bedrooms, so we purchased a four-bedroom house. Of course, my bedroom is the largest, decorated in calming neutral tones with a brass bed and white linen bedding. And if you're wondering about Kevin's bedroom, well, let's just say it's a typical teenage boy's room with a messy bed, music equipment, and random items scattered all over the bedside table. Needless to say, I rarely step foot in there.
But our separate sleeping arrangements have not affected our sex life in the slightest. In fact, I'd say it has improved it. We are well-rested and happy, and the lack of exhausted bickering means we still have a strong physical attraction to each other. At 56 and 62 years old, we are like two love-struck teenagers when it comes to intimacy.
We are both retired now, and the joy of spending a rainy afternoon in bed together is something we cherish. And while some may see our sleeping habits as unconventional, we couldn't be happier. The reasons for our separate bedrooms have changed over the years, with Kevin's kidney cancer resulting in weight loss and feeling constantly cold, while my post-menopausal hot flashes have led to weight gain and snoring. But we have found a way to make it work, and we wouldn't have it any other way.
The only challenge we face is when we go on vacation or stay in a hotel. We usually end up getting drunk and passing out because we refuse to pay for two separate rooms on our pension budget. It's not the most glamorous solution, but it works for us. And after a particularly embarrassing incident involving Kevin walking out of our hotel room naked, thinking it was the bathroom, we have learned our lesson and avoid sharing a bed at all costs.
While we don't openly broadcast our sleeping arrangements, it does come up in conversation from time to time. And while some may be curious or even judgmental, we have learned to not let other people's opinions affect our happiness. After all, it's our marriage, and what works for us may not work for others.
So, if you're considering separate bedrooms, don't worry about what others might think. Instead, I suggest getting a little bell for your bedside table. That way, when you wake up, you can ring it for your partner to bring you your morning beverage of choice. It's a small gesture, but it's those little things that make a relationship strong.
And while Kevin may not be the perfect bed fellow, he is the perfect husband. We may have our quirks and unconventional habits, but we are happy, and that's all that matters. So, here's to a good night's sleep, whether it's in separate bedrooms or not. And if you have a similar story, don't be afraid to share it. After all, love knows no boundaries or societal norms.
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