August 28th 2023.
Facing the future without Neil, Linda shares that she had to become mum and dad for her girls. Welcome back to How I Parent, where we are speaking with Linda Aitchison, 55, from Wolverhampton, whose husband, Neil, died of terminal melanoma cancer in May 2012. Linda shares her story of loss and how she learned to parent her twin daughters, Em and Mel, aged 13 at the time, alone.
"Before Neil became unwell, I was such a laid-back mum," Linda recalls. "We laughed a lot, and I treasured that above material stuff. If Em and Mel were worried about anything, I listened and we’d talk about it. But then, suddenly it was the end of the world."
The family were given a brief moment of hope when Neil's doctor said he had responded exceptionally well to chemotherapy, but shortly after the disease spread to his brain. Nine days after their wedding, Neil died aged 44.
Linda remembers the months that followed as a complete blur. "I often describe the loss of Neil as a bomb going off in our family and we were left picking up the pieces," she says.
The family embarked on travelling and charity work to help them cope with the pain of their loss. Linda also developed a side of her that was fiercely protective. She recalls a time when her girls went back to school three weeks after their dad died and a teacher criticized Mel for looking out of the window. Linda stepped in and asked for more understanding.
Grief counselling, and not bottling things up, helped them speak freely to each other, however difficult it felt. Linda also made sure to keep Neil's memory alive with keepsakes and memories jars.
Linda shares that her parenting style changed depending on her girls' needs. She notes that she was overwhelmed by the task of parenting alone, and that her family's house was crumbling from her neglect. However, Linda says she found strength in her girls, and that they were able to laugh about the rota of household tasks they attempted to create.
"I did not consider myself strong or “inspirational” as people insisted on saying, I just thought we had no choice but to keep going," Linda shares.
Now, Linda is proud of her girls who have graduated from university and are working in lobbying and political campaigning jobs. She says the most important thing for her was for them to know that she loves them and is always there for them.
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