December 11th 2024.
As most people look back on their childhood, they often feel a sense of nostalgia for all the happy memories they have. They recall family vacations by the coast, playing in the ocean and building sandcastles. They think of cozy Christmas celebrations and family gatherings filled with laughter. These are the memories that bring a sense of calm, contentment, and gratitude for their loved ones. Unfortunately, my view of my past is quite different. When I reflect on my younger years, all I can remember is dysfunction and a never-ending feeling of sadness. That's why, even though my parents live just a five-minute drive away, I only see them once every two years.
I grew up in a family of four with my mother, father, younger brother, and myself. From the outside, we may have seemed like a normal family. But behind closed doors, we were anything but. My father was an angry and controlling man. In fact, on November 25, 2024, Metro launched a year-long campaign called "This Is Not Right" to address the epidemic of violence against women. Through this campaign, we hope to shed light on the sheer scale of this issue and empower our readers to take action. We have partnered with Women's Aid to achieve this goal. You can find more articles on this topic on our website, and we also encourage readers to share their stories with us via email.
In my household, my father did not allow my mother to have friends or go out without him. Looking back, I now recognize these behaviors as coercive and abusive. He was also very particular about keeping the house clean, a task he assigned solely to my mother. As for me and my siblings, life was difficult. Personally, I was afraid of my father and always felt like I had to walk on eggshells around him because I never knew what mood he would be in. I still vividly remember the time when I was about 11, and my father hit me so hard that I flew against the wall. I can't even recall what I had done wrong.
As I got older, things only became more challenging. By the time I was 14, I had taken on more of my mother's role as she was always working, and my sister had intentionally distanced herself from the family. This meant that I was responsible for taking care of my younger brother and expected to come home straight after school to cook and clean for my father. This added pressure and stress caused me to feel sad, lonely, and depressed. In fact, I was so overwhelmed that I even attempted to take my own life. Looking back, I realize that it was a cry for help and attention. Thankfully, a few hours later, I panicked and told my parents what I had done. I was rushed to the hospital, but unfortunately, even this incident was not enough to bring about any real change. I was not offered any counseling, and my parents never asked me what led me to attempt suicide. In fact, we never discussed it again.
If you are struggling with your mental health, know that there is support available. You can call the Samaritans' 24-hour helpline, email them, visit a branch in person, or go to their website. There is also the HOPELINE247, which is open 24/7 every day of the year. You can call, text, or email them for support. Unfortunately, in my family, we had a "don't talk about it" mentality. And so, I found myself pulling away from them and retreating within myself even more. Despite my obvious misery, my parents couldn't see it. Even when my mother shared with me her strained relationship with her own mother, she still couldn't see the irony. Our family motto seemed to be, "if we don't talk about it, then it never happened."
Looking back at my childhood, I see a stark contrast to how most people reminisce about their early years. While others may feel a warm nostalgia for family vacations and joyful gatherings, my memories are clouded with dysfunction and endless sadness. It's a painful truth that I have come to accept, and it's the reason why I only see my parents once every two years, despite them living just a five-minute drive away.
Growing up, our family of four seemed normal to outsiders, but behind closed doors, we were anything but. My father was an angry and controlling man, and I still remember the fear I felt whenever he was around. He had strict rules for my mother, not allowing her to have friends or leave the house without him. Looking back, I now recognize these as signs of coercive and abusive behavior. He also had specific expectations for how the house should be kept, a task that he solely assigned to my mother.
Life was difficult for me and my siblings. Personally, I was terrified of my father and always felt like I had to tread carefully around him, never knowing what would set him off. I still have a vivid memory of him hitting me so hard that I flew against the wall when I was just 11 years old. I can't even recall what I had done to deserve it. Sadly, things didn't get any easier as I got older; if anything, they became more challenging.
By the time I was 14, my mother was always working, and my sister made a point of not being around as much. As the eldest, I took on more responsibility, caring for my younger brother and doing household chores. The added pressure and stress only added to my sadness, loneliness, and depression. In my darkest moment, I even attempted to take my own life. Looking back, I realize it was a cry for help and attention. After a couple of hours, I panicked and told my parents what I had done, and was immediately rushed to the hospital. However, even this traumatic event was not enough to bring about change. I was never offered counseling, and my parents never asked what led me to attempt suicide. In fact, we never discussed it again.
After this, I started distancing myself from my parents and retreating within myself even more. However, they never seemed to notice how much I was suffering. My mother would even share stories about her strained relationship with her own mother, completely unaware of the irony. It seemed that if we didn't talk about it, then it never happened.
In 2024, Metro launched the "This Is Not Right" campaign, which aimed to raise awareness about the epidemic of violence against women. Throughout the year, they shared stories to shed light on the issue and partnered with Women's Aid to engage and empower readers. If you are in need of emotional support, there are resources available, such as the 24-hour helpline for the Samaritans or the HOPELINE247 for PAPYRUS.
Looking back, it's clear that my family's refusal to address our problems only made them worse. If only we had talked about it, perhaps things could have been different. But sadly, for us, silence was the norm.
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