November 12th 2024.
Growing up, I always knew that being a lesbian would not be accepted by my family. Unfortunately, I learned this harsh reality at a young age when a man on the street yelled derogatory remarks at me. It was 2019 and I was with my two daughters, who were 17 and five years old at the time. These men not only blocked our path, but also made cruel comments about my sexuality and even threatened to harm me. I was shaken and immediately took my daughters' hands and ran all the way home, which was about thirty minutes away.
As we ran, my youngest daughter asked why those men were attacking us. I simply told her they were bad people and that we needed to get home safely and lock ourselves in. Once we got home, I tried to comfort my girls, but I couldn't shake off the trauma I felt from the incident. Little did I know, it would be our last night together as a family.
Due to the hostility towards the LGBTQ+ community in my home country of Kenya, I was forced to flee and leave my daughters behind. It was devastating to be separated from my children, but I had to prioritize our safety. I grew up in a Catholic family, attending church regularly, and I never imagined that my true identity would cause so much harm and pain.
In 2019, I applied for asylum in the UK, seeking refuge from the homophobia and discrimination I faced in my home country. However, being a lesbian in Kenya meant facing physical violence, "curative rape" (a hate crime that aims to change one's sexuality), and even police arrests or extortion. We were also discriminated against in various aspects of our lives, from healthcare to employment.
In my 20s, I succumbed to societal pressure and entered into a heterosexual marriage, which was a terrible experience from the start. I had my first child soon after, which brought me some joy in an otherwise unhappy life. However, the marriage was toxic and I eventually left, becoming a single parent.
As a single mother, I focused on raising my daughter and pursuing my career in the tourism sector. I even started my own tour company, which I operated for over a decade in Kenya. In the mid-2010s, I adopted my second daughter, wanting to give my first daughter a sibling without going through another pregnancy. I finally felt like I had a complete family.
A year later, I entered into a secret relationship with a woman I met through work. However, we had to be discreet about our relationship due to the dangers we faced as a same-sex couple. It was a relief to be with someone who loved me, but it was also terrifying to constantly hide and live in fear.
Unfortunately, my colleagues and friends eventually found out about our relationship and made unpleasant comments about my sexuality. This led to a violent attack at a party, where we were beaten and forced to flee in different directions. After this incident, I started receiving death threats, and I knew I had to leave for the safety of myself and my daughters.
Leaving my children, my career, and my parents behind was an excruciatingly difficult decision, but I knew it was necessary in order to survive. I left for London in May 2019 and stayed with a friend. Though I was safe from my attackers, I was still traumatized and uncertain about my future. I missed my daughters terribly and it was hard to imagine being away from them for so long.
It wasn't until I attended Pride in London that same year that I truly felt safe and accepted as a lesbian. The vibrant and diverse community gave me hope and I finally felt comfortable enough to share my story. I applied for asylum, but the interview was traumatic as I had to answer intimate questions about my sexuality and the abuse I faced. Unfortunately, my application was denied, causing me even more pain and disappointment.
Despite the challenges and struggles I faced in the UK, I have met many wonderful and supportive people who give me hope. I rely on charity and the kindness of friends to get by, but I also give back by volunteering in various organizations that support asylum seekers and the LGBTQ+ community. My ultimate goal is to be reunited with my daughters and create a new life for us in this safe country. I never want to hide who I am again and I hope to find love and acceptance in the future.
Do you have a similar experience? I'd love to hear your story. Share your thoughts in the comments below.
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