September 7th 2024.
As I sat at the edge of my bed, buttoning up my blue striped shirt, I couldn't help but feel nervous. It was my first date with Anna, someone I had matched with on Tinder and spoken to for a week before finally deciding to meet in person. I wanted to make a good impression, so I carefully chose my outfit and even put on some aftershave.
Despite my nerves, I was feeling positive and ready to rock and roll. Our conversations had been flowing effortlessly, covering a range of topics from family to food. And after a few days, I felt comfortable enough to tell her about my disability. I shared with her my love for sports and how I had played wheelchair rugby for Great Britain.
To my relief, Anna didn't seem bothered by my disability. She asked me about it, and I explained that I have arthrogryposis, a condition that affects my joints and causes my voice to be husky. But I made sure to let her know that I am still independent and just happen to look and sound a little different.
I was feeling confident as I suggested dinner for our date. Usually, I'm an Italian food kind of guy, but I wanted to try something different this time. We settled on Chinese, and as I drove towards the restaurant, I couldn't help but feel optimistic.
As a former Paralympian for Great Britain, I was used to being prepared for anything. But little did I know, nothing could have prepared me for what was to come that night.
When I arrived at the restaurant, my first big worry was that it was completely empty. It was a Saturday night, and there wasn't a soul in sight. Then it hit me - the staff would have a front-row seat to my date. I took a deep breath, composed myself, and studied the menu.
While I debated between duck pancakes and chow mein, my phone lit up with a message from Anna. She let me know that she was running late due to a hold-up at work and apologized for the delay. I appreciated her heads-up, but I couldn't help but feel a little nervous as I waited for her arrival.
As the minutes passed, I couldn't help but notice the sympathetic looks from the staff towards the cute boy in the wheelchair - me. Waiting for someone you've never met before can be a strange feeling. I found myself wondering how the conversation would go, if it would be awkward or flow easily. And I couldn't help but daydream about the potential of this date - could this person be "the one"?
Finally, Anna arrived. As she made her way towards our table, I tried to calm my nerves and put on my game face. We exchanged smiles and greeted each other, but then something unexpected happened. As I reached out to shake her hand, she patted me on the head. Yes, you read that correctly - she patted me on the head.
I was taken aback and struggled to keep my jaw from hitting the ground. I looked past her and noticed one of the waitresses recoiling with second-hand embarrassment. I didn't know how to react, so I just ignored it. But in that moment, I felt like I went from being a guy on a date to a disabled boy out for dinner. It was a game-changer for me.
Despite the awkward start, Anna and I had a good conversation. She was engaging, confident, and easy to talk to. I appreciated her intelligence and worldliness, and we even spoke about wheelchair rugby - something I rarely do on first dates.
As the night went on, however, it became clear that Anna wasn't comfortable with the whole situation. She stared whenever I moved my hands and even offered to help me when I needed to use the restroom. I couldn't help but wonder what she thought I needed assistance with. It was a tricky situation because while she may have been trying to be kind, she also knew that I was completely independent. I live alone, so I couldn't help but wonder how she thought I managed day-to-day.
In that moment, I even questioned if this was all an elaborate ploy to seduce me. But unfortunately, disabled toilets don't exactly generate any "loin movement."
As the evening came to an end, I was ready for the date to be over. I paid the bill and suggested that we leave. As we walked outside, Anna mentioned how much she had enjoyed our date. And then she said something that was the final nail in the coffin for me - "It's so nice to date someone so inspirational; you've overcome so much."
I smiled and said goodbye, but internally, I couldn't help but feel disappointed. The truth is, I haven't overcome anything, and being disabled isn't something to overcome. It's something I have adapted to, just like any other person would.
Anna did message me after our date, but I politely declined her offer for a second date. I had decided that I was just too "inspiring" for her. But looking back, I realize that everyone has their own biases and misconceptions about disabilities. And as someone with a disability, it's important for me to educate and advocate for myself.
So, to anyone who may have experienced a disrespectful behavior during a date, know that you are not alone. And to those who may have misconceptions about disabilities, it's important to remember that having a disability does not define a person. We are all unique individuals with our own stories and experiences, and we should be treated as such.
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