I informed my mother of her husband's abuse, she apologized but remained with him.

As difficult as it is to talk about, I feel it's important to share my experience with you. I was only about seven years old when it first happened, and I can still remember it so vividly even though I'm now in my forties. I remember feeling rushed and hurried as my stepdad waited for me to join my brother and half-sister outside on the driveway. I was always a bit clumsy and struggled with practical tasks like tying my shoelaces. On this particular day, I took a bit longer than usual and my stepdad lost his patience.

He grabbed my arm and hit me repeatedly on my back and legs, scolding me for being disrespectful. My half-sister said nothing and my brother and I only talked about it years later. It was always a secret from other adults, as is often the case with abuse. It wasn't until my late thirties that I finally found the courage to speak out. The abuse never really stopped, it just took different forms, and I couldn't live with it any longer.

My parents had divorced when I was a baby and my stepdad came into the picture shortly after. He was all I knew as a father figure, but he was never really a dad in the true sense of the word. There was no affection, no encouragement, and no recognition of my achievements. No matter what I did, it was never good enough and he always knew someone who had done it better.

My brother and I were both victims of the abuse, targeted because we were seen as a threat. We were both intelligent, high achievers, and good at sports, which my stepdad couldn't handle. I have memories of him hitting us with belts and slippers, and it never took much to provoke a beating. At the time, I knew it was wrong, but I was too young to know what to do or say.

One incident that stands out to me is when he beat our family dog with a broom for doing its business in the wrong spot. It was a small thing, but it had a profound impact on me. I left home at 19 to start my career and buy my own house, but I always felt like I never truly got away from the abuse. My stepdad would make snide comments to bring me down, criticizing my house, job, and even my choice of car.

I remember one particular incident when I had just passed my professional exams and was discussing a topic in my area of expertise with my family. My stepdad shot down my comments, insisting that I didn't know what I was talking about. I even offered to go get the course book to prove him wrong, but he refused to look. It was a familiar feeling of frustration and helplessness, but this time something inside me snapped.

I shouted and raced towards him with a raised fist, but by the time I reached him, I had come to my senses and punched the counter instead. That day changed everything for me. It gave me the confidence to finally speak up. I first texted my mom, explaining what had happened and how close I had come to punching my stepdad. I also disclosed for the first time that he had physically abused me as a child. I couldn't bring myself to have that conversation in person.

My mom immediately came to see me, apologizing and holding me as we both cried. She had been a victim too, and it hurt her to realize what had been happening for so long. I also called my brother and we spent hours talking about our experiences and how it had affected us. It was a difficult conversation, but it brought us closer and helped us understand each other better.

Unfortunately, my half-sister, who was my stepdad's biological daughter, didn't believe me and accused me of making things up. This caused a rift in our family, and I haven't spoken to my stepdad or half-sister in five years. I also lost my relationship with her children, which has been hard to deal with. But I'm still close with my mom, even though it hurts that she has chosen to stay with my stepdad.

Despite all of this, I'm glad that I finally spoke out. It has allowed me to acknowledge what happened and seek therapy, which has greatly helped me heal. It has been a tough journey, but it was worth it. I only wish I had spoken out sooner. If you are going through any form of abuse, I urge you to find your voice and speak out. Staying silent only punishes you.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I hope that by sharing it, I can inspire others to find the courage to speak out against abuse. If you want to share your own story of familial estrangement, you can email the team at Degrees of Separation. Remember, you are not alone and there is help available. You can contact the NSPCC Helpline by calling 0808 800 5000, emailing [email protected], or completing their online form. Don't suffer in silence.

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