November 3rd 2024.
It was a typical Friday night, my husband and I were lounging on the couch, enjoying some television when my phone pinged. I let out a sigh as I saw the name "Cheese Man" pop up on the screen. "I'll be back in ten minutes, maybe less," I told my husband, who barely reacted. He was used to Cheese Man's frequent messages by now.
I made my way up to my office on the top floor of our house, grabbing a piece of Stilton from the fridge on the way. If only he had given me a heads up, I would have gone out to get something more suitable. But when the mood strikes Cheese Man, he doesn't like to wait. Another ping, and I see that he has sent the payment for our cheese-themed encounter.
I call him Cheese Man because he has a particular fetish for masturbating on blocks of cheese. The first time we met, I accidentally overcharged him, thinking it would take him a while to finish. I set up a book, laptop, and a glass of wine to keep me entertained while he did his thing, but he surprised me by finishing in just 90 seconds.
Feeling guilty, I tried to engage him in conversation to make up for the overcharge. He showed me pictures of other women he had treated to this spectacle, some of whom I knew. Since then, he has been a regular client, messaging me every couple of weeks for a dairy-themed session and paying £100 each time.
He often starts with a remark about the cheese he has on hand, like "Guess what, I bought some Stilton today" or "I'm holding a lovely big lump of Duchy of Cornwall extra mature cheddar, are you busy?" He's experimented with butter and even a milk pudding, but he always comes back to cheese.
During our video calls, he starts with his face before flipping the camera to show the cheese wedged between his thighs as he frantically masturbates against it. I've never quite understood what I add to the experience, but I try to come up with cheese-themed remarks to keep him satisfied.
I have to admit, I try not to think about what my mother would say if she heard me spewing out cheesy lines, or the waste of good cheese. But thankfully, he usually finishes quickly and I can go back to my regular activities.
Cheese Man's favorite cheese to use is Edam, but he also enjoys cheddar. When we first started working together, I asked him why he had a thing for cheese. He simply shrugged and said it had always been cheese for him. Clients rarely have interesting explanations for their fetishes.
I believe the proper term for this kink is sitophilia, where someone is aroused by food-related situations. But for Cheese Man, it's simply known as food play. I've even wondered if he had a strict and harsh father who owned a cheese shop, and one day as a teenager, he got an erection while in the store. But who knows, it's just a strange thought that crosses my mind as I watch him pleasure himself with a lump of Edam.
I once asked him if it could be any type of cheese, to which he replied with an eye roll, "Oh no, it has to be cheddar or Edam." I also asked what he does with the cheese after he's finished, and he nonchalantly said he just throws it away. He's never asked me to have cheese present during sex, but he does think about it when he's with someone else.
He abruptly ends our video chat, clearly uninterested in discussing his fetish further. But later, he sends me a screenshot of my face while watching him, so I guess I'm now a part of his cheese cum canon.
Cheese Man hasn't always been a consistent client though. There was a period of two years where he disappeared after I couldn't fulfill his request for a cheddar-based session while I was at a dinner and debate at the House of Commons. Maybe he found someone else to fulfill his desires, or maybe he didn't agree with my political views. I'll never know.
But he eventually returned, asking for a Christmas-themed session and requesting a picture of my cheese board as foreplay. I sent it to him, but he had already finished by the time I did. Usually, I'm better at getting the payment before the session starts, but I must have been too excited about the holiday season.
Now we have semi-regular Zoom sessions, and he often asks if I know anyone else with his particular fetish. I have to confess, I haven't come across any other clients with a love for cheese like him. But I suppose, since the invention of cheese over 5000 years ago, there have always been Cheese Men out there who developed a strange attraction to the dairy product.
So, as strange as it may seem, it could be a lot worse than having a client who gets turned on by cheese. Do you have a story to share? We would love to hear from you. Get in touch by emailing us. And don't forget to sign up for The Hook-Up, Metro's sex and dating newsletter, for more juicy stories and tips to spice things up in the bedroom. We can't wait to have you join us!
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