June 18th 2023.
Dear Dave and Marie,
Congratulations on your engagement! I'm sure the excitement of wedding planning has been a fun experience, however, I know it can also be a tough situation to navigate – especially when deciding to exclude children from your guestlist.
It is an extremely sensitive issue and unfortunately, it is impossible to please everyone. However, there are ways to communicate your decision respectfully and minimise potential conflicts. Firstly, be clear and consistent with your message. Make sure guests know from the offset that you have chosen a child-free wedding. You can do this by stating it on your save the dates and again on your invitations. Give your guests as much notice as possible that they will be unable to bring their kids.
In addition to direct communication, ensure your wedding website clearly states your policy. If you receive any push back to this, you should respond to each guest the same way and be consistent with your decision even if someone tries to negotiate exceptions. Allowing one child may lead to resentment from other guests, so it’s best to have a blanket ban. Even if your invitees get emotional and lay the pressure on, remain firm and, importantly, respectful.
When speaking with friends and on your website use positive language, highlighting your desire for a lively, adult-oriented celebration where guests can relax and let their hair down. If you’re worried that childcare costs will be prohibitive for your guests, you could consider hiring a couple of childminders for the day to look after guests’ kids nearby. This shows that you are considering the parents’ perspective. Alternatively, you could suggest another, more informal, event in the days before or after the wedding, where children are allowed.
For most couples with children, adult-only weddings are a great excuse to have some quality time by themselves, and they won’t struggle to get support from grandparents/relatives or close friends to look after their children while they attend the wedding.
But it’s not possible to please everyone, so be prepared for reactions. Respond with kindness and understanding but reiterate your decision and emphasise your desire to have a wedding that reflects your vision. Both of you should be on the same page with this and respond to family and friends on both sides the same way.
Remember, it is your special day, and you should prioritise creating a vibe that aligns with your vision. While some might get upset, by approaching the issue sensitively and with understanding, you will help minimise the chance of fallout. People who matter to you will do whatever it takes to be at your wedding and support your wishes.
Wishing you the best wedding day!
Best wishes,
Alison
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