February 4th 2024.
Finding My Long-Lost Family:
It was an unforgettable moment for me, a missing puzzle piece finally falling into place. The email began with the simple words, "My god," and went on to reveal that I had a first cousin named David, and that our fathers were brothers. As soon as I read those words, tears streamed down my face.
It was March of 2018 and I, a 75-year-old woman from Yorkshire, had just discovered that I shared an 11.1% DNA match with a man named David in Canada. I was overwhelmed with emotion and speechless.
This discovery felt like a new chapter of my life was just beginning. Growing up, I had a happy and normal childhood with my parents and two brothers. However, my maternal grandmother was a difficult person and would often tell me, "No one ever wanted you." I never thought much of it, assuming she was just being cruel. But one day, when I was 11 years old, her words got the best of me and I asked my parents about it. That's when they sat me down and told me that my dad was not my biological father.
My mom didn't want to go into too much detail, but she did reveal that my biological father was Canadian and his name was possibly "Donald Dell." She had met him during the Second World War, but became pregnant and wasn't sure if he had survived.
After the pregnancy, my mother was sent to London to give birth and she informed the man she was engaged to – the man I knew as my father, who was serving in the Middle East at the time – through letters. He promised to raise me as his own when he returned. In the meantime, my mother stayed with his parents and he kept his word when he came back. They got married and had two more children together, my younger brothers. My dad even legally adopted me on his birthday when I was two years old.
I was curious about my biological father, but I didn't want to upset my mom. I was content with my life and went on to finish school, have various jobs, meet my husband John, and have our son Matthew. Despite experiencing four miscarriages and losing my dad at a young age, I felt grateful for the life I had.
For over 60 years, I didn't think much about my biological father. That is, until my son and husband gave me a MyHeritage DNA test for Christmas in 2017. The results were not very interesting and didn't give me much insight into my father's identity. I didn't think much of it and didn't even look at the site again.
But in March of the following year, I received an email notifying me of a new genetic match. When I opened the message and saw the name "Dall" – not "Dell" as my mother had thought – and that it was from Canada, I got goosebumps. I turned to my husband and said, "John, I think I'm home." And indeed, when I shared all the information I had on my father with David, he was able to confirm our connection.
It was a miracle that, in this big world, we both happened to be using the same website and found each other. Sadly, my biological father had passed away in 2004 at the age of 84. But David and I exchanged email addresses and began talking constantly. We shared stories about our lives, exchanged photos, and he told me about the big family I had in Canada. My biological father had six siblings, so I had many cousins – including a half-sister named Anna, who was an only child.
I eventually told my mother about connecting with my biological father's side of the family, but she was in her mid-90s and didn't fully comprehend it. In June of 2019, David and his wife Ina flew to Dublin to meet me and to learn more about our mutual grandmother's Irish heritage. We instantly connected and it felt like a missing piece of my life had finally been found.
I also flew to Canada with my husband in September of that year to meet the rest of my extended family. I was able to meet my half-sister Anna, who was in her 60s. By then, we had already spoken on the phone and exchanged emails, so we had some background information on each other. When we met, she brought me flowers, but I could tell she was hesitant around me, which I understood. After all, she thought she was an only child for many years and suddenly I was in her life.
But the trip was wonderful and I met countless family members, including my first cousin Deborah who has become like a sister to me. We instantly bonded over our similar appearance and sense of humor. I truly feel like she was a missing part of me. We speak every night and she even jokes that she'll adopt my son if I die before her.
Despite the challenges of the pandemic, my relationship with my Canadian family has only grown stronger. In 2020, when I turned 80, I invited David, Ina, and Deborah to Cornwall to celebrate with me and my loved ones. We had a wonderful time together, sharing Cornish pasties, visiting Land's End, and having a birthday BBQ. Sadly, my half-sister Anna passed away in 2022, but I am grateful that I got to meet her and have a photo to remember her by.
People often ask me if I regret not discovering my family history sooner. But I don't. I loved my dad who raised me and never felt like I was missing out on a father figure. He was my hero. Connecting with my family in Canada has only reinforced that I am loved unconditionally and that I am not alone. It has completed a circle that had always felt incomplete, and now I feel truly at home.
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