April 15th 2024.
I was taken aback by the cruel comment that was made about my weight. It came from an elder family member, of all people, in my own home. My mother had mentioned that I was about to start driving lessons and this family member felt the need to chime in with their unsolicited opinion. According to them, my weight would hinder my ability to learn how to drive. It was as if they believed that anyone who is plus-sized is incapable of having hand-eye coordination. I couldn't help but wonder if this belief stemmed from a lifetime of seeing plus-sized individuals portrayed as clumsy and comical on screen, or from the damaging notion that being fat is a personal failure.
The comment not only angered and upset me, but it also left me momentarily speechless. How does one even respond to something like that? This family member has a habit of making remarks about my weight on every occasion, and unfortunately, they are not the only one. I encounter people like them regularly, who think that my size is a topic open for discussion. From a family friend who started a conversation by recommending a diet to me, to a flatmate who felt the need to tell me to stop eating ice cream, I have heard it all.
And I've had enough. I am tired of the misogyny that is constantly directed towards plus-sized women like myself. We are happy and healthy, and we don't spend our time trying to conform to the beauty standards set by a patriarchal society. We are no longer controlled by the male gaze. I am also tired of those who congratulate me for losing weight, as if that is the ultimate goal. Little do they know, I have struggled with an eating disorder in the past, where I was scared to eat even a few bites of food, all while people cheered me on. It is just as frustrating to hear someone compliment me for losing weight as it is to hear their rude and nonsensical comments when I am at a higher weight. How can they praise me for not eating enough nutrients when I was thin, but criticize my health when I am fat?
I have heard people say that losing weight can miraculously cure anxiety. But I will believe that when I see those same people asking conventionally attractive individuals if they are eating enough greens. The truth is, attributing weight to health is just a way for people to get away with their fatphobic comments. And when I stop and think about it, I have to ask: when did an individual's health become something we shame them for? I remember a school assembly where a teacher asked all the "healthy" girls to step out of line so they could be publicly humiliated for their weight. This would never happen for any other health concern because it is not seen as a personal failing. It made me wonder, why are people so comfortable commenting on women's bodies in the first place?
The message that "you are not good enough unless you fit a certain standard of beauty" is everywhere. It is in the products we are sold, from slimming teas that give you diarrhea to Instagram models telling you how to hide your curves. It is also closer to home, as I experienced at my parents' 25th anniversary when a family friend felt the need to inform me that I had put on weight. I managed to smile and tell them that it was an unimportant thing to notice, but my mother later scolded me for not responding respectfully. However, I stand by my response. My body is not a topic to be debated over.
My body is a wonderful and beautiful vessel that I use to navigate and interact with the world. And I choose to love every part of it, no matter what I'm doing – including driving, which I will excel at despite what anyone might think. Do you have a story to share? I would love to hear it. Share your thoughts in the comments below and let's continue this conversation.
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