October 1st 2023.
Who's in the right? It can be hard as a new parent to maintain your friendships, especially when your baby starts to become a big part of your social life. A group of twentysomethings have been praised for excluding a new mum and her baby from their circle, but it's a tricky situation - was their decision the right one?
One of the disgruntled friends, 24, explained that her friend, Anna, also 24, had a baby six months ago. They used to hang out regularly, but the dynamics of the friendship group started to change when Anna wanted to bring the baby everywhere with her. It seems that Anna couldn't bear to leave her baby at home with her boyfriend or babysitter.
The friend wrote on Reddit that they had tried to plan things around the baby, but it had always ended up badly. "We shouldn't drink, 'cause Anna can't drink. We shouldn't be loud, 'cause the baby needs to sleep. Icing on the cake is her baby is extremely fussy and cries all the time. It was just a downer for the rest of us. So we started hanging out without Anna and her baby."
Things came to a head when the friends went on a staycation together without inviting Anna, then posted the pictures on Instagram. When Anna saw the snaps and asked why she hadn't been invited, the friend tried to explain that it had been a last minute plan and they had only been able to find a childfree resort. Anna called her bluff, sending her pictures of other families with kids at the resort.
The friend then said, "I asked her to leave it at that but she wouldn't. I finally told her it's a baby and we are all young. We don't want to live our life around a baby she chose to have."
The friendship group is now divided, with some believing the friend handled the situation badly, while others thought the truth slap was unavoidable. The poster asked whether she was in the wrong and overwhelmingly, commenters on Reddit were on her side.
One person said, "Her life is different, and she probably just needs to find a different set of friends, one that more closely aligns with her interests." Another added, "You have every right to want to be young and act like it. She needs to accept that having a baby has changed things for her but that doesn’t mean everyone else has to change everything to accommodate that."
Others suggested compromises so the new mum wasn't left completely out in the cold. They suggested mummy groups, and even meeting up for brunch or dinner when a family member can babysit every so often.
Having a baby has changed things, and it's important for new parents to find ways to bridge the gap with their child-free friends. The NCT recommends not being 'too blinkered', and to remember to ask friends questions about their lives too. They also suggest swapping cocktails for a walk somewhere new, or inviting friends to swimming - it's amazing how many people enjoy embracing their inner child.
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