Don't want mum at hen do, but she thinks she's invited - what to do?

Dear Maya,
Congratulations on your engagement! It's a very exciting time and I'm sure you and your friends have started making plans for your hen do already.
However, I understand that your mum has assumed she's invited and is already contributing to the wedding. It can be awkward if you don't want her to come to the hen do.
Your concerns are valid and it is important to handle this situation carefully. Firstly, arrange a meet-up with your mum on a one-to-one basis, and express your gratitude to her for everything she's done for you throughout your life. Make sure she understands how much you appreciate her involvement in your wedding planning and all the support she is giving you.

Acknowledge her financial contributions and your gratitude for the help she has given so far. Then, be open and honest about your feelings. Let her know how much you value your special relationship and that your friends enjoy her company, but your vision for the hen party is to let loose with your best friends and have a real girlie night out.
You must stick with your decision and do what feels right. If she was there, you and your friends would understandably feel restrained and unable to let your hair down the same way.

Consider an alternative way for her to be involved in your pre-wedding celebrations. She could organise a separate gathering, like a pre-wedding tea or brunch for you and some of your friends and family, or a spa day just for the two of you, where you can spend quality time together and plan.
You could also involve her in the other elements of wedding planning, like going dress shopping with you, helping with invitations, or any DIY projects you want to do.

Ultimately, whatever you decide, do what feels right. Your wedding should reflect your choices and preferences, so don’t feel guilty for making decisions that are right for you. It is essential to be consistently transparent with your mum and let her know how much you appreciate her.

Your mum would not usually tag along on a girl’s night out, and you want your hen party to be the same. As your big day won’t be until next year, it gives plenty of opportunities for you and your mum to schedule some quality time together, if that’s something you both want.
Wishing you all the best with your wedding planning and future together as a married couple.
Best wishes,
Alison

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