November 23rd 2024.
To my fellow women who are going through a similar experience as mine, I have a reminder for you - you do not have to force yourself to engage with other people's pregnancy news if you are not ready to. The news can be overwhelming, and it's okay to feel that way.
It happened to me earlier this year when I was out in public, grabbing a quick bite during my lunch break. Suddenly, my group chat was flooded with messages from three of my friends, all announcing their pregnancies. And just like that, I couldn't hold back my tears.
Don't get me wrong, I was truly happy for my friends. But at the same time, there was a part of me that couldn't handle it. You see, my husband and I have been trying to conceive our second baby for almost a year now, and it hasn't been easy. So, hearing about everyone else's good news can be tough.
I have PCOS, which stands for polycystic ovary syndrome. This condition affects how a woman's ovaries function. The three most common symptoms are irregular periods, high levels of "male" hormones, and enlarged ovaries with follicles surrounding the eggs.
Irregular periods have always been a part of my life. As a teenager, I never knew when my period would come, and the time in-between them was always unpredictable. But back then, I never saw it as a problem.
I also have a chronic illness called ulcerative colitis, which is a type of inflammatory bowel disease. Whenever my UC would flare up, my periods would stop altogether. But I never went to the doctor about it because my long and irregular cycles were never much of an issue.
When I turned 17, I started taking the contraceptive pill, which stopped my periods altogether. And when I stopped taking it in my mid-20s, my periods became irregular again, but I didn't think much of it. I assumed my body was just adjusting.
It wasn't until my partner and I started trying to conceive in 2020 that these irregular cycles became problematic. After six months of trying, I went to my GP, and after some blood tests and an ultrasound, it was confirmed that I had cysts on my ovaries.
It was a relief to finally have an answer, but it was also a confusing time. Different doctors gave me conflicting information about whether I have PCOS or just polycystic ovaries. Even after four years, it's still unclear.
Thankfully, we were able to get a referral to a fertility clinic, but before our appointment, I found out that I was pregnant after a year of trying. We were overjoyed to welcome our little boy into the world, who is now two years old.
Fast forward to January 2024, and we decided to start trying for our second baby. This time, I'm feeling more impatient because my cycles have become even more irregular, and they're longer than ever. I had one cycle that lasted 76 days, and another that lasted 59 days.
It's frustrating because I know we can get pregnant, as we did before. But with irregular cycles, it's a waiting game, and it's not easy. And it's not just about the waiting, there's more to it.
To anyone who may be going through a similar experience as me, I want to remind you that you have the right to not engage with other people's pregnancy news if it's something that may be difficult for you. I learned this lesson the hard way when I was out for lunch earlier this year and received a flood of messages from my friends in our group chat.
As I read through each message, I couldn't contain my emotions and ended up bursting into tears. Each of my friends was announcing their pregnancy within a span of just five minutes. While I was genuinely happy for them, there was also a part of me that couldn't help but feel a sense of sadness and longing.
You see, my husband and I have been trying to conceive our second child for almost a year now, and it hasn't been an easy journey. I have been diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome), which affects how my ovaries function. The three most common symptoms of this condition are irregular periods, high levels of "male" hormones, and enlarged ovaries with cysts.
I have always had irregular periods, even during my teenage years. Back then, I never knew when my period would come, and the time in between each one was always long and unpredictable. I also have another health condition called ulcerative colitis, which is a type of inflammatory bowel disease. Whenever my UC would flare up, my periods would stop altogether. However, I never saw this as an issue and never sought medical help for it.
When I was 17, I started taking the contraceptive pill, which stopped my periods completely. When I stopped taking it in my mid-20s, my periods became irregular again, but I thought it was just my body adjusting. It wasn't until my husband and I started trying to conceive in 2020 that I realized my irregular cycles were a problem.
After six months of trying, I decided to see my GP, who then sent me for an ultrasound. It was during this scan that they discovered the cysts on my ovaries. While I was relieved to finally have an answer, I was also confused as there were mixed messages from different doctors about whether I had PCOS or just polycystic ovaries.
We eventually got a referral to a fertility clinic, but just before our appointment, I found out that I was finally pregnant after a year of trying. We were overjoyed and blessed to welcome our little boy into the world, who is now two years old.
In January 2024, we decided to start trying for our second child, and this time around, I'm feeling more impatient. My cycles have become even more irregular, and they are longer than ever before. I had one cycle that lasted 76 days and another that lasted 59 days. It's incredibly frustrating because I know we can get pregnant, and it has happened before. I would be more than happy to wait if my cycles were regular, but that's not the case.
However, it's not just about the length of my cycles. It's also the emotional toll that comes with it. The constant waiting and uncertainty can be draining, and it's hard to see others getting pregnant with ease while we struggle. But I'm reminding myself to be patient and to trust that everything will work out in the end.
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