July 31st 2024.
We all have our own struggles and challenges in life, but that doesn't make us bad people. This is something that Metro's agony aunt, Em Clarkson, firmly believes in. She's here to offer her wisdom and guidance to help us navigate through life's difficulties. This week, she's tackling the issue of dealing with a partner's debt and managing conflicts between spouses and parents. So let's dive into this week's reader conundrums and see what Em has to say.
One reader writes in about her six-year relationship with her boyfriend. She describes him as a loving and thoughtful man, and they have a great time together. However, there's one problem that she can't seem to ignore - his finances. He's in a significant amount of debt and has no savings. He's never lived on his own or paid any bills, and he's not making any effort to repay his debt. The reader has offered to help him budget, but he's refused. She wants a future with him, but she's not willing to fund it entirely. She's tired of living alone and feeling like she's the only one contributing to their relationship.
Em applauds the reader for realizing that she is not her partner's mother and that she can't spend her life bailing him out. She acknowledges that his debt doesn't make him a bad person, but it's his attitude towards it that makes their relationship unsustainable. Em points out that her boyfriend has never taken responsibility for himself or his life, and this is a red flag. She understands that the reader loves him for who he is, but she also highlights the negative side of his carefree attitude - selfishness and laziness. This is not the kind of future the reader wants for herself - one where she's the one doing all the work and sacrificing while her partner does nothing.
Em is known for her honest and no-nonsense advice as Metro's agony aunt. She has over 300,000 followers on Instagram and is often asked for guidance in her DMs. Now, she's taking her column to the next level by offering her help to readers of Metro. There's no topic that's off-limits, and Em is ready to listen and offer her perspective. So if you have a question for her, feel free to email her.
The reader's partner refuses to stay at her father's house, citing reasons such as the cold and smoky atmosphere from the fireplace and an uncomfortable bed. He also feels like her dad doesn't care enough when he goes out golfing during their visits. Now, with a baby in the picture, the reader's dad has offered to buy a cot so they can spend the night there. But her partner prefers to drive back and forth instead of staying over, claiming the house is unsafe for the baby. The reader understands her partner's concerns, but she also feels guilty for not spending more time with her dad. She wonders if it's reasonable for her to ask her dad to buy them a new bed and other baby things so they can stay there a few times a year.
Em sympathizes with the reader and acknowledges that it's a difficult situation. She suggests that the reader's husband suck it up and stay at her father's house at least once this summer, with the promise of a new cot. If her dad goes off to play golf during their visit, she can use that as a reason for not staying in the future. Em also points out that it's not safe for the baby to stay there in the winter, and the reader should communicate this to her partner. She encourages the reader to give it a chance and create memories with her family, but also set boundaries if necessary.
Finally, Em tackles some other reader questions, such as a partner's reluctance to have children due to mental health issues, the impact of a person's mental health struggles on their partner, and a husband's disgusting farting habit. She also gives advice on dealing with a cheating parent, getting married a week after your best friend, and a boyfriend's close friendship with another woman. Em's advice is always honest, practical, and empathetic.
We're lucky to have Em as our agony aunt, and she's always ready to offer her support and guidance. But remember, she's not a substitute for therapy, and if you need professional help, don't hesitate to seek it. Let's all take care of ourselves and each other. Share your thoughts in the comments below.
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