Avoid your friend's bachelor party by making excuses and suggesting alternative activities like going out for dinner or playing golf.

Hi Alison,

I hope you are doing well. I have a bit of a dilemma and I'm hoping you can offer me some advice. My friend is getting married and I have been invited to his stag do. We have been friends since university and have remained close, but while he has kept in touch with our course mates, I have distanced myself from them after graduation.

I don't have any issue with them personally, but they are quite "laddy" and I am not. As a result, the thought of attending this stag do is giving me nightmares. The destination is Estonia and the activities include excessive drinking, paintballing, and even a trip to a strip club. However, I don't drink, I bruise easily, and strip clubs make me feel uncomfortable. I really care about my friend, but I have no interest in going on this trip. Plus, it's going to cost me £500 for something I know I will hate.

Do you have any advice for me? I'm feeling quite stuck and I would appreciate your insight.

Thank you,
Finley

Weddings are meant to be joyous occasions, but they can also be incredibly stressful. Whether you are the bride, groom, best man or woman, family member, or friend of the couple, the lead up to the big day can be overwhelming. This is where I come in - I have been running a wedding venue for 10 years and have helped many couples plan their special day. So if you have any wedding-related problems, I am here to lend a helping hand.

Now, let's address your dilemma, Finley. Firstly, I want you to know that you are not alone in feeling this way. Many people dread attending stag dos that don't align with their interests. Also, let's not forget that these types of trips can be quite expensive, especially for those trying to make ends meet. So, what can you do about it? My advice would be to communicate openly and honestly with your friend who is getting married. Have a heart-to-heart conversation and express your genuine feelings. Let him know that you value your friendship, but you are not comfortable with the planned activities. He may surprise you with his response, as he might not have realized how strongly you feel about this.

Remember, true friendships are built on understanding and compromise. If your friend is asking you to prioritize his happiness over your discomfort, then that's not a very good friend. Sometimes, friendships run their course as people change and move on with their lives. This doesn't mean that you have to attend this stag do just because your friend wants you to. At the same time, it's his party, and if the activities suit him and the other groomsmen, then it would be unreasonable to ask for changes. So, to reach a compromise, you could suggest organizing a separate event in the UK for those who cannot make it to the abroad celebrations. Who wouldn't want to party twice?

If it ends up being just the two of you, then you'll have some fantastic one-on-one bonding time before his wedding. There are so many other activities that you could plan for this extra party, instead of lap dances and beer pong. In fact, when we first bought our wedding venue, we used to rent it out for stag and hen parties. Some groups would come and enjoy activities like cycling, wild swimming, kayaking, and clay pigeon shooting, followed by a nice dinner and great conversations. No rowdiness, just friends having a good time doing things they enjoy.

Imagine this - you and your friend sitting in a hot tub, reminiscing about your university days. Or maybe playing video games and eating pizza. Who knows, he might even prefer this alternative plan! Remember, at the end of the day, you want your friend to have a great time, but you also don't want to be miserable at a stag do that you hate. So, don't forget to prioritize yourself in this situation.

I hope you find a solution that allows you to celebrate your friend's wedding in a way that makes everyone happy.

Best wishes,
Alison

P.S. If you have any other wedding-related problems, feel free to email me and share them anonymously. I would be happy to help. And don't forget to share your thoughts in the comments below. Have you ever attended a stag or hen do that you didn't want to? Let me know.

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