After my dogs passed away, I was shocked by the hurtful question.

In 2018, my husband and I welcomed a new addition to our family: a sweet whippet named Jess. It was a happy time for us, but a few years before that, we had to say goodbye to our beloved dogs. Of course, as soon as people heard the news, they were quick to ask when we would be getting another dog. Some suggested visiting a shelter, others reminded us that there are many dogs out there in need of a loving home. Amidst the kind and supportive messages, these comments stood out to me and unfortunately, they hurt. I began to feel guilty for not rushing out to get another dog, even though I knew I needed time to grieve and heal.

Eventually, we did adopt Jess and she quickly became a cherished member of our family. She had a difficult past, having been mistreated and passed around, but we were determined to show her what a safe and loving home could feel like. Despite her past, she immediately bonded with my husband and we were overjoyed to see her come out of her shell and enjoy the simple pleasures of life, like sleeping under the duvet with us and going on walks with our friends' dogs.

Inspired by Jess's progress, we decided to find her a companion and in 2023, we welcomed a five kilo bundle of joy named Otto, an Italian Greyhound. However, just like Jess, Otto had his own struggles, particularly with anxiety. We sought help from professionals and discovered that his brain was overproducing stress hormones, leaving him in a constant state of fight or flight. We did everything we could to minimize his suffering and adapt our lives and home to accommodate his needs. But despite our efforts, his anxiety continued to escalate and eventually, in the advice of our vet and behaviorist, we had to say goodbye to him as well.

The loss of our dogs was devastating, and we decided to take a break from pet guardianship to allow ourselves time to heal from the emotional and financial strain of caring for two dogs with complex needs. Instead, we found other ways to have dogs in our lives, like volunteering at a dog rescue and dog-sitting for family and friends. However, some people didn't understand our decision and continued to pressure us to get another dog, claiming that our dogs would have wanted us to provide a home for another dog in need. But the truth is, pet guardianship is a huge responsibility and pressuring people to adopt when they are not emotionally or financially ready will only lead to more dogs ending up in shelters.

As we tried to process our grief and adjust to our new lives, I realized that the pressure to get another dog was causing me even more pain. It was like losing a family member, yet often, the loss of a pet is not met with the same level of compassion and understanding. This type of grief is often overlooked and dismissed, which can be incredibly hurtful. We owe each other more compassion and understanding, and instead of pressuring each other to move on, we should give each other the space and time we need to grieve such a significant loss.

In the end, we have to do what is best for ourselves. We cannot let others dictate our grieving process or make us feel guilty for our choices. Let us support each other and show more empathy and kindness towards those who are experiencing this kind of loss. It is important to remember that the loss of a pet is a profound and deeply personal experience, and we should respect each other's journey.

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