November 9th 2024.
As long as I can remember, I've always had a strong maternal instinct. So when strangers would gush over my toddler, I was used to it. But one day at the bus stop, a woman took it a step further and declared that my daughter, Melody, wasn't enough. She insisted that I needed to have at least one more child. I was taken aback by her unwanted instruction, and things only got worse when her teenage granddaughter joined in, claiming that an only child would grow up spoiled and horrible.
It was shocking to encounter two women from different generations with the same outdated belief. And to think they felt entitled to confront a complete stranger about their personal family choices. In the moment, I was too stunned to respond. Usually, I have a prepared response for these types of questions, but I didn't know how to handle a stranger who was so insistent that I "must" have another child.
Unfortunately, I'm not the only one who has experienced this kind of pressure. My family is a perfect example - my husband and I are both second children with older sisters, and his parents are both the eldest of two. Yet, we still feel the pressure to have more than one child. Many of my friends and family members who have struggled with infertility and heartbreak are bombarded with the question of when they'll have another child, as if it's a simple decision.
I vividly remember the first time I was asked about having more children - it was on the postnatal ward, and my daughter was only 24 hours old. It's a question that I've seen come up often in parenting Facebook groups, with people seeking validation for what they believe is the "best" number of children to have. But the truth is, every family is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. So, being given unsolicited advice about my family size is not only pointless but also hurtful, especially when it calls into question the character of my existing child.
My husband and I initially had different ideas about how many children we wanted. I always had a desire for a large family, while he believed two was the perfect number. We compromised on three and started trying for our first child when I turned 30. We were overjoyed to discover I was pregnant just three weeks before our wedding. I had a healthy, active pregnancy and was glowing with excitement.
However, things didn't go as planned. I had an inaccurate growth scan, a rushed and unsuccessful induction, and an unnecessary C-section. Breastfeeding, something I had been looking forward to, was delayed due to the drugs, and I had given birth to a very hungry baby. And then came the unimaginable - postnatal depression hit me like a ton of bricks. I also experienced breastfeeding aversion, something I had never even heard of before. I couldn't bond with my baby, I couldn't sleep, and I couldn't stop crying. I begged my husband to tell me it was okay if I had changed my mind about having more children. I didn't think I could survive going through that again.
Thankfully, my husband reassured me that our daughter was enough and that we didn't need to go through anything I wasn't comfortable with. He never pressured me to change my mind, and he still doesn't. With time, treatment, and some much-needed sleep, I recovered from postnatal depression. But I still mourn the image of the effortless mother with a brood of children in a seven-seater car that I had always imagined. Motherhood is beautiful, joyful, and fulfilling, but it's also much more difficult than I ever thought it would be. I didn't transition into motherhood effortlessly, and I still struggle at times.
My daughter is pure joy - well-behaved, polite, healthy, and so much fun. My husband and I don't currently feel the need to have another child because we feel complete with her. However, there's still a fear in the back of my mind that another pregnancy could result in another difficult postpartum period. My daughter had just turned two when this incident at the bus stop happened, and I wasn't ready to face that possibility yet.
As the cost of living continues to rise, I've noticed more and more families choosing to have only one child, whether by choice or circumstance. And you know what? They are happy and content with their decision. Their single children are delightful and certainly not "horrible" as some may believe. It's insensitive and hurtful to tell a stranger that their only child will grow up spoiled and horrible. But what really struck me was the fact that this outdated view was expressed by both an older and younger person.
Having multiple children is still a personal choice, and it's not up to anyone else to dictate what is best for someone else's family. I am not saying no to having more children, and my husband is not rushing to get a vasectomy anytime soon. But it's not a conversation I feel the need to have with strangers at a bus stop, especially considering the struggles and losses we've seen in our own social circles.
My daughter is more than enough to coo over, and I wish people would focus on how lucky we are to have her instead of instantly pushing for more. She is enough, and so are we. Everyone's family dynamic is unique, and we should respect and support each other's choices instead of pressuring others to conform to outdated beliefs.
[This article has been trending online recently and has been generated with AI. Your feed is customized.]
[Generative AI is experimental.]
