Women feel burdened by the mental load of managing their relationship and express frustration with it.

Carrying the mental load in a relationship can be soul destroying. Research shows that this is usually women who take on the majority of this work, such as scheduling appointments, remembering birthdays, planning trips, buying gifts, and doing the housework. This imbalance can lead to reduced satisfaction with life, partner satisfaction, feelings of emptiness and role overload.

Four women shared how carrying the mental load of their relationship took its toll. One woman said she had ‘never been in a relationship where [she] wasn’t the one coming up with all the ideas and bringing them to fruition’, while another said she felt ‘like a parent rather than a partner’. Another said she had ‘cracked under years of pressure’, while one woman said she was ‘done, tired and stressed out’.

Are relationships ever really 50/50? Senior therapist Sally Baker previously told us that in a balanced relationship, the two roles are interchangeable. However, problems arise when either partner is pigeonholed into a role, which can lead to resentment. This is likely rooted in childhood experiences, such as feeling powerless or overwhelmed.

It’s important to try to share the roles by getting each other involved. Hold your partner accountable for remembering things without berating them, and make an effort to plan things together. Ask your partner to take the reins on a specific plan or obligation, and come up with fun ideas together. It may take time to find a balance, but it’s worth it for a happier relationship.

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