We need to discuss birth trauma and its effects on relationships.

Louise Thompson opened up this week about how her traumatic birth experience resulted in her not speaking to her fiancé Ryan Libbey for six months. Unfortunately, Clio Wood, author of the book Get Your Mojo Back, Sex, Pleasure and Intimacy After Birth, experienced a similar situation.

Clio went through a distressing birth experience, during which doctors tried to use a suction cup and then forceps with episiotomy in order to deliver her baby. Sadly, when they untangled the umbilical cord from around the baby’s neck, it snapped and she lost a lot of blood. Clio was only able to hold her daughter for 10 seconds before she was taken to the NICU, where she stayed for four days.

The trauma of the birth had a huge impact on her relationship with her husband. She recalled, “My husband and I weren’t communicating properly and didn’t support each other well. We fought a lot, we all cried a lot, I was angry at myself, my baby and him.”

The couple ended up at breaking point and were about to separate and divorce before an unexpected ectopic pregnancy pushed them to re-examine their relationship. They eventually decided to stay together and went to couples therapy, which Clio says was “a complete game-changer”.

The ongoing impact of birth trauma can strain even the strongest of bonds, as Louise Thompson found out this week. She shared her experience, saying, “We would sit in silence at our kitchen table every single evening, couldn’t muster a peep. Couldn’t even look at his face. It was a mutual paralysis. Things were so dire, we couldn’t even register how weird this behaviour was.”

Sex and relationship therapist Serena Novelli notes that emotional challenges like powerlessness, inadequacy and fear experienced through a traumatic birth can lead to significant emotional distance between partners as they cope with the aftermath in their own way.

The trauma takes up emotional space that would normally be used for relationship growth and intimacy, leading to a strain on the bond between couples.

If you’ve experienced a traumatic birth, it’s important to be kind to yourself and understand that it’s normal for there to be a strain on your relationship. Communication is vital and if you’re the partner of someone who has experienced a traumatic birth, patience and the ability to listen are key.

It’s also important to connect with friends and family, support groups and therapists. Sharing your story with others who understand can provide comfort and a sense of belonging, and healing takes time.

Above all else, it’s important to treat each other with care, compassion and love. Give yourself and your partner space when necessary and make sure you’re there for them when they need you.

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