July 14th 2024.
Dear Alison,
I hope this letter finds you well. I wanted to share with you my recent experience leading up to my wedding next week. Everything seemed to be going according to plan until this past weekend when I spent some time with my soon-to-be in-laws. My future mother-in-law, whom I have a great relationship with, pulled me aside and asked if there was anything of hers that I would like to borrow as my "something borrowed". It was such a sweet gesture and we found the perfect necklace for me to wear on my special day. As we chatted, she also asked me about my own mother's outfit and then showed me what she had planned to wear. And that's when it happened - a white dress.
Now, let me clarify that it's not a bridal gown. It's a beautiful tailored midi dress that she plans on pairing with pink heels and a matching fascinator. It's a lovely outfit, but I can't help but feel a bit uneasy about it. I know that no one will mistake her for the bride, but it still doesn't sit right with me. I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so I told her it was lovely, but deep down I'm not sure how I feel about it. My friends and family will surely make comments and I'm worried about how it will look in the photos. My partner doesn't really understand why this is such a big deal, but they are willing to take my side if I decide to say something. I just feel incredibly awkward about the whole situation. What should I do?
As someone who has run a wedding venue for 10 years and helped countless couples plan their special day, I know that weddings can be incredibly stressful. Whether you're a bride, groom, best man or woman, family member, or friend of the couple, the pressure leading up to the big day can be overwhelming. That's why I'm here to offer some advice and hopefully help alleviate some of your worries.
Firstly, congratulations on your upcoming wedding! It's such an exciting time and I'm glad to hear that most things are going smoothly. Your concerns about your future mother-in-law's outfit choice are completely valid. It's normal to feel a mix of emotions leading up to such an important event, so take a moment to collect your thoughts and really consider why the white dress is bothering you. Is it because you're worried about her upstaging you, or is it the potential comments from guests and how it may affect the photos? Understanding the root of your discomfort will help you communicate your feelings more clearly.
It's also important to consider your wedding style. Are you following a more traditional approach where etiquette is important, or is it a less formal affair where you're not bound by any rules? If you're having a traditional wedding, then it's expected that the bride will be the only one wearing white. However, if you want to break tradition or allow guests to wear white, then that's completely up to you.
You mentioned that you initially told your future mother-in-law that you were okay with her choice of dress. While it may feel like you can't go back on your word, I would suggest having a private conversation with her. Express your gratitude for her support and sweet gesture of lending you her necklace, and then gently bring up your concern about the white dress. Let her know that you understand it's not a bridal gown, but share your feelings with her. Whether you're worried about what others may say or you want a more traditional wedding, it's important to communicate openly and honestly. You can also involve your partner in the conversation, as their support and presence may help convey that it's a joint concern, not just a bridal worry.
If your future mother-in-law is attached to the dress, you could suggest adding a colorful accessory like a wrap, shawl, or jacket to differentiate her look from a traditional bridal appearance. You could also suggest a statement piece of jewelry that will make her stand out in a positive way. Remember, while traditions and guest perceptions are important, your comfort and happiness should take priority. This is your special day and you have the power to shape it as you wish.
Approach the situation with kindness and an open heart, and I'm sure you'll find a solution that works for everyone. There's always a way to balance everyone's feelings and preferences. I wish you all the best for your big day and a lifetime of happiness together!
Best wishes,
Alison
P.S. If you have any other wedding-related concerns, please don't hesitate to reach out. I'm here to help!
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